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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 1 year ago

Q&A #1

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Wrapping up my first 10 episodes by answering some questions that you listeners sent in! Questions about the podcast in general, as well as some more specific situational topics.

Hello and welcome to episode ten of sex, love and psych today I just decided to switch it up. I asked friends and everyone for questions for me to answer, just to kind of see what you guys wanted to know. So I wanted to start with some of the more general podcast related questions that I get. I've got asked by a few different people since I've started. First one being how long do I plan on doing this podcast? How many episodes do I have planned? I plan to continue it indefinitely until I hate it or I've moved on or life just brings me on a different path. I have multiple lists in sex, relationship and selftopics that I still want to explore. So I've got a lot of episode ideas still that I really want to build on and touch on and work on educate on. So well, I have more guests? I sure hope so. I have a couple in mind, one tentatively planned, and I hope to continue to expand and maybe get more people in professional positions related to some of the topics I talk about to come on and share some of their information, their journey, their education with us as well. Why do I do twenty minute episodes? Twenty minutes feels like forever to sit and talk to myself in my kitchen on my phone and it takes a lot of work for me to sit down and plan out a twenty minute presentation every week. So it's partially to keep it manageable for me, and I also think twenty minutes is a reasonable amount of time for you guys to listen to me ramble and just talk about whatever I'm talking about. I think that's plenty enough time to hear my voice for have I thought...

...of doing some sort of jingle or sex levens like intro kind of thing? Short answer would be yes, keep listening because it may be happening in the near future. I occasionally get asked what equipment do I use? At this point, I literally just use my phone and the anchor APP. I want to get a mic, I will be hitting up Patricia's store that she works at when I need to get a mic. I would just need to wait until I have a little more spare change to play with because I want to get a decent quality one for sure. So in the meantime, you guys are just stuck with me talking to my phone. Sorry, not sorry. So then I wanted to get into some more of the specific situational questions that some of you guys have sent me in preparation for this. So first one is someone one of my friends asked what to say when a person you're talking to you won't say if they've been tested recently and you don't want to consider being intimate until they do so. First of all, this is a super healthy boundary to have. That should be a lot more common. I'm not trying to speak from a high horse because I have had troubles bringing up this conversation in the past. For sure. If someone isn't willing to respect this boundary, don't bend on it. Stick to it. Keep your boundary. If they are just maybe trying to deal with the stigma or the shame of going to get tested, because those are definitely things that exist, although I'm not sure why getting tested should be a regular thing for everybody, especially those who are having sex with multiple partners, even in a relationship, it's good to get chet tested every once in a while if they just kind of have...

...those reserves and feel that shame and stigma. One helpful thing to mention in maybe trying to convince them to go get tested. Is that a lot of STI's are can show up as some asymptomatic, so no symptoms. You can be a carrier without even knowing it. So you're not saying they are dirty, they are gross. I've slept anyone. It literally takes having sex with one person who maybe doesn't know that they have something for you to get something. So regular testing super important. But yeah, let them know. A lot of STI's are asymptomatic but still transmittable and that can cause other health issues if it hasn't been looked at and taken care of in the right amount of time. This is especially important to a lot of women. The vaginas of course, area that's very delicate phwise. You can't just see the inside of your cervix as easily as a male could see their penis. So it is important to get checked regularly. Also, there is, and has been for a while, a syphilist outbreak in Alberta. This was discussed in my sexual health class in university. I think I had heard about it once or twice before that. It's not talked about enough, but if you look it up, there is a sophilis outbreak in Alberta. So just tell them you'd rather be safe than sorry and that there's no shame in getting tested. If they still refuse to get tested or tell you that you've been they've been tested, I would vote to just move on. So the next question. Once you've both decided you want to have sex, like you've had that conversation, consent as it's been given, what's a smooth and respectful way to initiate sex with...

...a new partner for the first time? Smooth, I'm going to point out, is a relative term and it's going to be different and like every situation is going to be different with it, each different person, you know, have different personalities. You're just going to mesh differently with different people. But I suggest making small like moves, like putting an arm around them, cozy up to them, if you're watching something, give them a little peck on like the hand or their arm if they have it around you, or even on the lips or cheek, just kind of like smaller movements that show some of your interest without putting pressure on them. or you can make a bolder statement. You can move their hand onto your leg something like that, or you can make a bolder like verbal statement, like just go with that solid, cheesy pickup line or some bold, sexy phrase that you can think of that will keep them in their own personal bubble if they want to stay there, but it don't show you're obviously interested in them. Not going going to go into my moves or my phrases specifically because I've too much family that listens to this, but a just text me or something if you want to know, because I think some of them are really funny. Anyway, continuing on, yeah, just go with the flow, whatever you're feeling, start making little moves, see how they feel. Next question how to check if you are meeting your partners wants often enough and that they're happy with your sex life. So this one just boils down to having that conversation with them. Sit them down, put away whatever distractions there may be and just stirred up. Ask Them Hey, I just wanted to check in with yous make sure we're...

...on the same page, that we're both being satisfied. Asking for feedback. Make sure that you're open to their feedback. You're not going to take any suggestion as just a personal attack. have any feedback or criticisms or also things that you like that have been happening? Have those ready to create that conversation in that dialog. And when I say don't take it as a personal attack, sometimes it is. If they're being a Dick, then you can be mad about that. If they're just trying to give constructive criticism or give you feedback on what they'd like more of or less of, that's literally what you ask. So you kind of just have to roll with it. You guys can come to some kind of like meeting in the Middle Point. You can just bounce those ideas off each other. It might feel awkward at first, but if you make it a more regular conversation that you have on a regular basis, it'll eventually feel less awkward. It'll more just feel like a regular conversation for you guys and you can bring things up more easily and more comfortably in the future. So next question. What do you do if your partner can't get it up? First of all I'm going to say right now don't blame yourself and don't like try to blame them either directly. That's going to put more pressure on them. But definitely don't blame yourself. It probably has way less to do with you than you think. There are so many different factors that could be contributing to any kind of erectile dysfunction that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Substance Abuse, as in weed, alcohol, other substances that they may be consuming, if they do it on a regular basis. A lot of that stuff can contribute to erectile dysfunction. Other things are...

...depression, performance anxiety. If it's a new situation, you're playing out a new scenario, it's a new partner, they might just feel they have more pressure to perform, or if it's happened in the past, they might be overthinking it and being like, Oh man, I hope I can get it up this time. I hope I can get it up this time. I need to like be able to do it, and that's going to have the opposite effect and it's going to actually make it harder for them to get it up. It can also be contributed to distractions and outside stress, it can be a hormonal issue or some other medical factors that I don't know as much about. If it is just like this one time or every once in a while, try to come any performance anxiety take pressure off of them getting hard focus on other parts of them. Give them massage, maybe a have them try to please you, if that's something that they're feeling up to, with other like oral any whatever works for you. Just kind of massage each other. Maybe break out some oils, let a candle just make it a more relaxing environment for both of you. You could have a bubble bath together. With all this, maybe they'll be able to get it up eventually and you can continue on with your sex for the night. Or maybe they just won't be able to do that night and you can just enjoy each other's company and try again some other time. Just make sure that they don't feel like you're a shamed or disappointed in them, especially if this is like a new thing and something that doesn't happen on a regular basis. I did also want to note if it is happening all the time, maybe try to encourage them gently to see a doctor and or a therapist to get down to figuring out why they're having these issues because, as I said, it could be hormonal,...

...it could be situational, it could be something that they don't even register in their psyche that's just causing them to stress out or be upset and it's influencing how they can get hard. So next question was how to overcome feeling selfconscious in the bedroom. When I figure out the answer I will get back to you. Just getting I do have some suggestions, but this is going to be different for everybody and it is something I think a lot more people are working on, including myself then would like to admit. So I think a lot of it honestly boils down to having a partner a comfortable with, as well as working on on amping up your self talk practices and reminding yourself that everyone has some securities, but also that these insecurities aren't just going to disappear if you ignore them. They're going to fester and grow. You kind of got to confront them, see where they're coming from and just try to work on them. If it's about how you're looking, practice that self talk, as I mentioned in the self talk episode. I have some suggestions there. Also, remember that your partners probably having a good time. If you guys are having sex, you're also both pumped up with endorphins. You've got a lot of those feel good hormones going on. You feel connected, possibly either physically mentally emotionally, spiritually, whatever your situation is, and what you look like probably matters way less than you think in these moments. I have found this especially when I've spoken to men about maybe my own concerns about what I look like in specific scenarios. So many dudes I've talked you've been like, Oh, yeah, love it when a girl just like goes for it and you can tell and she's not embarrassed about her face looking crazy or like.

If you can just see that she's super in it and doesn't care about what she looks like, then that's an extra turn on. I wouldn't I don't really get that feedback from women, but I don't get the opposite either, with their like Oh my God, he made this face, ruined my entire mood. Like just know that they're probably having a good time. If you're having sex, you're already having sex. You're already there. Enjoy those endorphins and feel good hormones. If it's more performance or awkward feeling related, just keep practicing having fun with your partner. You'll get there. The more times you kind of just try something, the better you'll get at it, and also the more times you kind might do something embarrassing that hasn't completely ruined a moment or something. The more times that that happens and it doesn't destroy your life, you'll train your brain into thinking that it's probably not as embarrassing as you think and it's not as end of the world as you think. Next question I got was what kind of communication is needed when bringing up a threesome with your partner or starting to explore looking into a threesome with your partner? Short answer, all of it. All communication is needed in this scenario. Make sure to discuss your insecurities, boundaries, any jealousy. Make sure your partner knows that it's not because they aren't satisfying you or they're not enough for you. You just want to try this out. For whatever reason, it's always been a fantasy for you or you just really want to try it out. You had a friend who had one loved it, so you want you think it would be a lot of fun. Like just make sure you're not forming it in a way to attack them. Just a side note. If...

...that is why you want it and you just feel like your partners enable to satisfy you, you're not satisfied with your sexual relationship. I would highly advise against bringing in another person before strengthening your sex and relationship with each other one on one or even with a therapist first, because bringing in another person might seem like a solve all, but that's a whole nother human being. It's going to just probably reintroduce any problems that were already there and Megana fy them. If you haven't had these discussions and you're not already satisfied with your partner, it's gonna Cause more she's in the long run. And then my last final question that I received was what are some ways to spice up your love life in a long term relationship, for like in the bedroom? Suggestions, which I assume a lot of people who ask this question generally are jumping to, would be like massage, oils, wax play, candles, lingerie role play, trying out some kinks and fantasies that you guys have always wanted to try, being open to each other's fantasies, breaking out some body paint or U V body paint. I've seen the trend of painting each other's bodies and then like having sex on a white sheet or a giant canvas and then hanging that art somewhere in the house, just just kind of like an inside joke. Super could be super sexy, fun spicy way to amp up your sex life. But I also wanted to note here to that you should also be trying to make sure that your love languages are looked after. You can take a weekend off to be with just with each other, like a staycation, are BNB, even if it's local in your own city. Have find a...

...cute airbnb or something, or a hotel and make sure you're looking after the nonsexual parts are of your relationship and, like your maybe try flirting like you did when you first started dating, stop treating each other like your you've known each other for thirty years, and go back to that new excitement, flirty stage and just maybe try looking at some fun memories from closer to the beginning of your relationship talking about them. Once you've looked after all of the other parts of your relationship and you're flirting like you did when you first started dating, you might just find that you want to rip off each other's clothes and just go at it. So I suggest that and then you can also make sense some of those sexier go to your love boutique or sex shop or whatever. Hush, see kind of what you both like. See if you want to try something new, talk to the people that are working there. Can Go back to my sex choice episode for more specific on those. But yeah, just look after each other, take some time for for each other, away from life, flirt and then get into all the sexy stuff. Those would be my suggestions. So those are all the questions I have today. Thank you, guys, so much for listening. Make sure you check out and enter the giveaway I have going on on my instagram and facebook. It's for when we hit five hundred plays. There's a little ten dollar gift card to your choice out of a few places over there. All the details are on my instagram and facebook and I am at three hundred and forty seven plays last time I checked, so we're getting pretty close. Hundred and fifty three to go before we reach that. So just keep sharing telling your friends about...

...it. I appreciate it so much. I did want to mention I will be taking next week off of posting. I'll probably still be working on the PODCAST, but the next episode won't be posted until March twenty six, and I did want to give a little special shut out to my support system. I wouldn't have started this podcast without them. I appreciate their constant feedback and my friends, who I use as the sounding board all the time. I appreciate them giving me feedback on ideas, contributing questions and just getting excited with me. I just appreciate the share of you guys. Oh, I'm going to tear up if he keep going, but thank you so much for tuning in. Have a great weekend. By.

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