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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 10 months ago

Episode 29: Perception

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

What is perception? Why are we so quick to judge other people? How do people judge us? Tune in to find out why we judge others, and why others perceptions of us shouldn't matter as much as they do 

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Sex, Love and Psych episode twenty nine. So excited s next week, you guys. I will try and figure out some special to do. You may have noticed that today is Tuesday and not my usual Monday. That is solely because I had to take my own advice from last week's podcast and just take a day to do nothing. I did have an assignment I had to finish up yesterday morning, but other than that I did absolutely nothing. I stayed in bed for most of the day, cuddled with my little Kitty Nora, watch tick tocks and just gave myself a chance to catch my breath and not have a million things on the go. And I feel so, so much better today, and so thank you for bearing with me. Thanks to all my friends who listen to me when I'm in the midst of that chaos and at the end of my emotional rope and a little bit all over the place. I would be in a completely different place in my life without my support system. I say it all the time, but I wanted to say it again. So, with all of that out of the way, I did want to talk about perception and how others may perceive you why we perceive other people in different ways, according to psych and just all of that. So perception quite simply is defined as the process by which we categorize and interpret sensory input, which essentially means how we take whatever amount of Info we receive through sight, sound, smell, touch, all of that, and how we sorted into ways that makes sense to us and put them in boxes or Schemas that we've built in our brains...

...to just kind of organize the world around us so we don't feel like we're in utter chaos all the time. Into in developmental psychology, this is mostly in reference to how infants and children and babies taken all of this brand new information like colors, shapes, animals, voices, etc. And make sense of the world and then how they modify their ideas if needed as they learn more new information. Like a small child may see all four legged animals as a dog if they grew up with a pet dog, until they're corrected like Nope, that one is actually a cat, that's a horse. Then they have to develop kind of new boxes to put these new animals in. There's a lot to get into with that, but that's not really the focus. I wanted to get into today, but just kind of to lay the foundation of what perception is and how we do it from the time we're born. So what does that mean for us as adults and how we relate to and see each other? It can be a very similar process than that little kid who thinks every four legged being is a dog until they're told otherwise. We as humans have always passed very quick judgments on people in situations. Long time ago it would have been more for survival reasons. We have to make sharp, snap judgments on what is safe and what is not safe, fight or flight, all of that kind of stuff. We don't like the unknown, we don't like feeling uneasy, so we like to put people in boxes because that just makes things feel like they make more sense, they feel form more familiar, and this is a process that everyone does automatically. Some things that can influence how we judge each other's than what labels we apply to them are how we brought up, how we're brought up by our parents or whoever brought...

...us up, the culture and religion that we might be a part of, our past experiences. Few tune back into a few episodes ago where we talked about bringing past trauma into current relationships. We can project that on a lot of people. So that's going to influence how we kind of put people in these boxes. If we've heard other people that we trust or don't trust talk about a new person, and that's going to influence our judgment, if how we compare them to our own appearance and actions and our own belief system is also going to affect us. In social psychology we did learn about how we do make these snap judgments and that can be based on implicit biases like how we were raised and stuff. But if it is something that no longer drives with our current beliefs as we grow up, as we know that they can change, when we're no longer under our parents or in school or whatever, then that correction that we make after that snap judgment is going to be more of the explicit experience. So that's a little bit about the psychology behind it. So for making always making these calls about others, like snap judgments, that means they are also probably doing it to us. And between dating APPS, social media and just like General Life, we can definitely get caught up in always worrying about how others may be judging US and how they may be perceiving us. So I did want to explore some recent conversations I've had with people in my life about this kind of a topic, some kind of epiphany moments I've had and how I've come to them. But just like some three day examples. So in the past year or year and a half or so,...

I've met these two different fronts. They don't know each other. I've just met them both separately. They have. I've found out recently that they have very, very different perceptions of me and my personality. One has told me how easy I am to talk to you, how I can keep a conversation going on for hours. This person sees me as fairly outgoing against social any other person who has pointed out that I seem very shy, not super chatty. All of like more in that realm. So two fairly different perceptions of me, and your first instinct might be to say that maybe I just am more at ease or chatty with friend one then friend to but in that's not really the case. Actually here that can be the case sometimes ads. I may act differently at work then I do at school, then I do with friends and I do with family, and that may influence how all of those people perceive me very differently. But in this case I have actually acted in how I perceive to be very, very similar with these two people. I feel fairly at ease with both of them. I'm my fairly chatty self. I can ramble, I can converse, I love to talk about random like stories from our lives. I love sharing my stories listening to other people stories. I'd say I've acted very, very similar when I met them both and in conversation. Since what this difference actually has to do with? It's how they view me in comparison to their own personalities. So friend one is...

...generally more reserved, doesn't mind staying home a lot of the time, just more more of a homebody in general, which is totally fine. Love that. Friend to super energetic, extroverted, loves going around, meeting people and all of that kind of stuff. So very different, not extremes, I wouldn't say either of them are extreme, but very different sides of the introvert to extrovert scale. And I'd say, depending on the day, I'm very in the middle of introversion and extroversion. But they're different perceptions of me actually have very little to do with me. I've acted very similar to both, but they are comparing it to who they are and seeing me a this drastically different. One other example I did want to share. Here's a friend of mine who always tells me she has four years, how men will be into her. They might be fw be situations, but she's been told multiple times how she is so intimidating to these men. My perspective of this friend is that she is successful, she's beautiful, she's Selfmade, but she's also super genuine and friendly and an actual sweetheart. I don't think I've ever been intimidated by her and like the decade I've known her. Maybe it's because I've known her for so long. She's done a lot of work and grow since then. Maybe I just see her as she was in high school. But I think number one, that this in Yo you're so intimidating so can't have a...

...relationship whatever. I think it's a lame cop out for fear of having to commit to someone first of all, but we're not going to talk too much on that right now. But I think also too, is that their concept of how intimidating she is again has to do more with the am comparing her life to their's and her personality to theirs, and that kind of can trigger this idea that, wow, she's so intimidating because she has all this going on. If I was to be with her, I would have to step up and also do all of these things, and or not even do all of the same things, but have to be as independent and selfmade and confident and all of this, and I think that is also something that they are intimidated by, the kind of have to match her energy and for someone who is super lame and just once some other situations and doesn't have want to have to put that work in. I think again, this perception of her being intimidating has more to do with who they are than who she is. And number three, I think the fact that she doesn't need anything from them. She takes care of herself, she is confident in herself, she's got her own big she's got her own shit going on. She doesn't actually need them to add anything to her life. I think that's another intimidating part for a lot of men in this day and age where women are stepping up and kind...

...of stepping into bigger careers, taking care of themselves, looking after themselves, working on themselves with therapy or meditation or affirmations or whatever they're doing. That has been a big shift from how things used to be and I think that intimidates a lot of men because they are no longer needed as the protector provider. So that has them feeling a little more iffy in what their role in a relationship could be. So but what all that comes down to is how they perceive for us, intimidating probably has very little to do with her actually being a scary woman. She is such a sweetheart. I really don't think that's the case, but she's got her shit together, and so that perception of her being intimidating has a lot more to do with them. So what I wanted to kind of bring this all back to is this concept that people are going to perceive you, how they're going to perceive you based on how they were raised, their own insecurities, their own personalities, and that generally has very, very little to do with you and who you are. So we should stop trying so hard to shape our identities around how others might be perceiving us, because a. Their perception of us, as I said, has a lot more to do with them. And be people are going to perceive us so, so, so, so differently, even if we exactly act the exact same in all of these situations, which we won't all the time. But if people are going to perceive US absolutely differently and they're going...

...to perceive us how they perceive us, so we need to stop spetting that dictate how we live our lives, the decisions we make, what we wear, what jobs we go after, how many side Hustles we have, etc. You got to do that all for you because at the end of the day, your perception of you is going to change your life a lot more than anybody else's perception of you. You can't change how someone might perceive you. That's going to be in them issue. Maybe they have to get to know you better, maybe they have to work on themselves, maybe they're scared of not measuring up to you or any of that, but none of that is your problem. So just keep doing what you're doing for you, keep pushing through your life for yourself. I have had so many men on dating APPS, especially men I've went on dates with, that take these wild perceptions of me. They project their past traumas on me, they project there maybe internalized misogyny on me and that none of that has anything to do with me. I will continue to be an absolutely caring person. I will continue to be an open book with people that I feel safe being an open book with. I will continue to ask people about their lives and actually give a shit about it. I'm not going to let other past men's perceptions of how that makes me look change who I am, because they aren't in my life anymore. I am. I will always have me and some shitty man's perception of how he thought I was in love with him because I'm a caring person, or how I'm in intimidating person because I just text back so fast all the...

...time, or how I must just be head over heels for them because because I seem to care. I'm not going to let any of that stop me from texting back quickly. I I'm just the type of person. If I get an aifurcation, I'm probably going to answer. I'm not going to play the stupid fucking game of well, this person didn't text me back in a week, so now I've got us set in a laarm on my phone to text them back in four days like that's not who I am. I'm not going to let all of that Shit change who I am and I'm not going to change any of that to try to shape other New People's perceptions of me, because that is going to be way too much fucking work. I if I want to be perceived a certain way then and I have to work to be perceived to as someone who I am, then maybe that person just needs to do their own work. They get need to get to know me better, but I'm not going to shape who I am based on their perception of me. I've been in my life a lot longer than they have and I will after they go. I know that the people who matter to me have absolutely amazing perceptions of me. I've got so much support in the last weeks, especially since I did my burdo episode. People are thrown that back in my face. Thank you so much. I have been going a little too hard, but I have been told in the last weekend that I am loved, I am appreciated. I people recognize how much I care about them, how much I care about my friends, how I'm grounded, how I'm relaxed, how I'm supportive, how loving I am, how gold driven I am, an independent I am, and those are the things that matter to me. So I'm just going to keep working on me and keep doing me,...

...and people can perceive me however they want to perceive me. That's not going to change who I am, whatever way they decide to pay me. So I would like to invite anyone listening to really check back with yourself. If there's some opinions from other people in your life that you've heard that just don't align with how you see yourself, that has way more to do with them than it does with you. So just keep on pushing. You're probably doing awesome. They see little slivers of you. You're with you all the time. Your perception of you as probably way more accurate than there's. So sorry, went off on a little bit of a rather at the end, but this has been something that I have worked on for years in my own life and have just recently been coming to these epiphanies, so I thought I would share them with you all. Thank you so much for tuning in again this week. If you have any topics related to sex, love, relationships, psychology that you want me to cover, hit me up on my social media's again. Thank you so much for always tuning in and thank you so much for all the amazing feedback you guys always give me. Have a wonderful week and I'll talk to you next week.

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