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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode 27 · 10 months ago

Episode 27: Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This week's episode is your sign to start edging out of your comfort zone. It includes some research, recent personal examples, and encouragement for you! 

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Sex, love and psych I am testing a new method of recording, since I'm not using the a Gor APP anymore. So hopefully it all goes well. Wish me luck. Again, thank you so much for all of my friends support on my little post about the upcoming ads. If you listened in the last week you would know or would have heard a couple ads if you hadn't before, and that is just because I'm working to monetize the plays the podcast. So thank you all for the continued support. With that being said, I want to jump into this week's episode on stepping out of your comfort zone. So this can be a big job for some of us can feel pretty major and scary, but we're going to get into why we should do it more often, how we can do it and all of that fun stuff. So I wanted to start with saying that, mentioning that in Berne Brown's Book Darren greatly and her Ted talks as well, she reads out a Teddy Roosevelt quote. I believe it's one of her favorite quotes that she likes to use. So just to paraphrase it quickly here because I think it really applies. It basically talks about about the the person who steps outside of the stands and into the arena matters way more than any of the critics on the sidelines, even if the person in the arena isn't succeeding. So this kind of also relates to all of this Olympics stuff with small biles and her mental health and her twisties, I think she called them, her stepping into that arena and her making the call to take a pause drop out of a couple events. That matters way more than any of the facebook comment or sitting on their couches trying to critique her for it...

...or for being there, are saying she shouldn't be there. She's the one in the arena, she's the one who matters more than any of those people. She got herself there. She stepped into that role. Even stepping down from events is stepping into a different role almost to kind of advocate for herself and others and similar positions. So just wanted to throw that in there because it's relevant to the Olympics. I did also, in preparation for this episode, find a study article done by Cynthia d mcaulli and Paul are yeost called stepping to the edge of one's comfort zone. This article discussed what they call stretch experiences and the reciprocal relationship between stretch experiences and learning agility in leaders, specifically in professional roles, but I think we can expand it here to more personal things as well. So they list stretch experiences in a professional context as anything as big as major changes in a person's responsibilities or professional context down to everyday experiences that are unfamiliar, complex or high stakes. They go on to talk about how stepping into these stretch experiences can be a result of learning agility, and doing it regularly can also increase learning agility. So their relationship works in multiple directions here in that reciprocal nature where you have a little bit of that learning agility, so you're more likely to step into these experiences and the more you step into these experiences you actually increase your learning agility as well.

They do also note the importance of getting people into the right stretch experience and I'm going to kind of friends that later in this episode as well. So, beyond that study, something I wanted to start off my own little discussion here with by saying is that we may make many excuses to stay in our comfort zone in a lot of areas of our lives. Obviously it feels safe and comfortable, so it's the comfort zone. We may say that we're just too busy in other areas of our life to tend to one that we're kind of hiding in our comfort zone in. We may think that everything else has to be perfect first, or we have to be in this like perfect mindset, or have to have all of these other things in place before we can kind of jump to that edge or outside of that comfort zone. We may even start coming up with scenarios that downplay whatever it is outside of our zone to make it down like less desirable, more damaging, not really worth our time of stepping out of our comfort zone. I did also want to add that sometimes we can do things that appear really bold and possibly outside of other people's comfort zones and certain areas that are actually within our own comfort zone still, like if someone is super extroverted, they're going out there meeting New People all the time, they're doing things that are considered more like bold and wild. That could actually be in that person's comfort zone and they could just be playing up that area to distract from other areas where they might be avoiding stepping to the edge of that comfort zone, like more one on one connection or...

...intimacy or something. So we can kind of over accentuate other areas to distract from those that we don't really want to work on or we're a little scared to step out of our shell on. When we make these excuses, we can put ourselves into smaller and smaller boxes that actually will restrict our growth, that learning agility that we talked about and can hold us back from things that we may turn a loving, whether that be professionally, Romantically, socially, finding new hobbies, finding new passions and personally. Personally, this is an area that I have struggled a lot in in the past, but I'm finding that and I still do occasionally, but I'm finding that the more that I like hit that edge of my comfort zone when I am ready two, when I'm like not at my deepest darkest, because we do need a little bit of that emotional regulation to do it, the more I do push out my comfort zones a little bit more and more. It changed my life so drastically and I've grown so much. I'm doing so much cool shit that I never thought I would but it's it all started with, like just starting to take that step in that can feel like the scariest part. If I never started this process, I'd probably still be in some cycle of leaving the house to work kind of throwing my smile on. I did have fun times those friends and people that I loved, but I kind of stayed in these small boxes and then I would come home, sit in a dark room in a depressed mess and or possibly be having like the more consistent panic attacks and anxiety attacks...

...that I used to have fairly frequently. That was due to a do to some other things in my life as well, but staying in these comfort zones definitely contributed to that and that cycle. But instead I'm out there meeting New People, making new friends, excepting cool jobs, staying this podcast and just doing a bunch of Shit I think is really interesting and like eighteen year old carly, fifteen year old carly, would look at some of the shit that I do now and just be absolutely impressed and think that the people who are doing all of this shit are super cool and interesting people. And that wouldn't have happened if I didn't start stepping out of my comfort zone and really pushing my independence and pushing myself to just get out there and talk to New People and correct those anxious fight or flight thoughts. I think I have mentioned it in previous episodes, but with anxiety and stuff like panic attacks, it's either fight or flight. Part of your brain basically hitting that trip wire and your brain pushes all of its resources into that fight or flight and so in order to correct that, we have to start stepping into those things that make us feel anxious and doing it so that our brain starts to learn. We start condition it, conditioning it to not believe that this is a dangerous situation that we need to fight or flight. It's just a regular everyday thing that'll panic a trigger. Less panic attacks and that kind of stuff, which kind of fits into that stepping out of your comfort zone. The more you do it,...

...the more you train your brain into understanding that it's not as dangerous it's like as we think it is. Some recent examples of this that I've done and like witnessed from some people in my life I already mentioned. Doing this podcast was a big jump out of my comfort zone. I was very nervous at the start. You can hear in my earlier episodes. I am a hundred percent sure, but I feel like this is actually one thing that I've had a lot of fun with. I it's a way to share a lot of stuff that I'm really passionate about and that has meant the world to me. It's helped me with public speaking and articulating. It's got me to do more research and I am so happy I made the leap into doing this. I mentioned last week that I will be em seeing my brother's wedding at the end of the month, so that is another step out of my comfort zone. Public speaking was always tricky for me, but we'll get to that. Another thing that's more recent is even just applying to work at a Rabia, which is the pole studio I now work out, was a huge leap for me. I had to fight a lot of imposter syndrome, being like, Oh, I'm not as advanced as some of the instructors, so I shouldn't be instructing. I'm instructing very basic levels that are within my realm of ability. So that's been something I had to fight off and still kind of fight off occasionally. I also, back to that public speaking thing. I'm teaching classes of women primarily how to do these different moves and I'm having fun and I'm doing sexy moves. That is completely unheard of for me in front of...

...people, even just the public speaking part. Back when I had to do speeches in school, even the in grade six, I vividly remember I did a speech and I got to the next level where I had to do it in front of the gymnasium and in front of the panel of judges and whatever, and before leading up to the point where I went up and did my speech, I sat there and I ripped tiny little rips in every corner, in every side of my speech. It was just tore up completely up the sides and top and bottom, and now I'm out here instructing classes and teaching people how to you feel sexy and kind of just have a good time with it. So that is huge. Related to that my wonderful friends who were able to attend my pole party. I know a lot of people wanted to but they were busy. I did at on a long weekend, so I got to set myself up for that, but I know that a few of my friends who were able to attend came into its super nervous. I had to do a lot of just being like, Hey, I promised, it's super easy, it's going to be a small group, you're going to have fun with it, there's no pressure. You got this awkward and laughing. It's fine, I believe in you. So going from that to having them show up still pretty nervous, finding out the waivers, we were talking about how they were still nervous, not really knowing what to expect, and then even just throughout the progression of the one hour class, seeing them kind of unfold a little bit, have some giggles, get the moves down. I saw the getting slowly a bit more confident. I split us into a couple groups to perform in front of each other. They all did amazing a couple of them have said that they want to take future classes. Ask me one...

...my next like training or interrontal pole classes. I'll be doing that training on Wednesday, so keep your eyes open for announcements of when I can start offering in Torno poll classes. They will be pay by food bank donation. But those friends going from being so, so nervous and almost a little petrified at the start to just nailing the routines at the end and having so much fun and really getting out of their show. Like I'm so proud of you guys, if you are listening. Thank you so, so, so much again for coming to support me and help me get those training hours in. I super appreciate all of you. Another example of a friend recently getting out of their comfort zone is I have one friend who super house her life together fiercely and dependent husband single for a while, but never really lets that get her. But she has decided that that is an area of her life that she wants to kind of work on a little bit. So I was able to help her. On Saturday she was texting me with some screenshots of pictures and like prompt stuff and just getting my advice and we were able to set her up a bumble profile and then literally the next day we were talking about some like opening line. She was having some fun with it. She set up a date on the first full day that she was on the APP. She went on that it well decent enough. So proud of her. She's leaping out of that comfort zone on this one, especially with bumble. She's not one to really make the first move in a lot of scenarios, but we just talked about how dating apps can also be just a practice run to kind of get comfortable making that first move talking to people. With a lot less...

...of the facetoface consequences of like going up to a person in an actual, like in person scenario and starting a conversation. Dating APPS can be kind of that scooching to the edge of your comfort zone without like leaping into a bar and starting to talk to people. So super proud of her as well. That's definitely something that has helped me be able to be at a concert or a rave, especially rave said, but perfect place for me to start going up to people and talking to them, whether it be to make friends or more romantic interest, whatever you want to call it, it's dating APPs, I think, have really helped me practice and get a lot of that like jitters out. So yeah, absolutely take those baby steps if you need to, before taking that huge leap. And with all of this being said, I did want to remind everyone that not every experience outside of someone's comfort zone is gonna be like necessarily super beneficial for them. Not everyone's pieces of jumping out of their comfort zone not everyone's comfort zones look the same. What worked for you and caused you to have this amazing girlth may not work for someone else, and that's okay. Not everyone's journey looks the same. Like even just looking at me, not everybody has to start a podcast or instruct pole dance classes in order to make those movements of growth outside of their comfort zone. It can look completely different to different people and that's really important to acknowledge and remember, because I do. I have experienced and I have witnessed a...

...lot of people trying to like push their friends into scenarios that are Super Far outside their comfort zone and it's just it could have very, very opposite effects for them. So it's going to have to be their personal decision. It's going to have to be your personal decision to kind end of push your comfort zone limits, because if someone else does it for you, you may not be ready for that specific leap. It may not be the scenario that's right for you. It might actually push you further into that box if it has a negative consequence, like if someone pushes you into doing, let's say, Karaoke, and that's so far out of your comfort zone and you go up there and you somehow do it, but you have a very negative experience, you get heckled or something, someone just pushes you back into that box, it's going to be harder for you to make that move when you're actually ready to. So make sure that you aren't trying to force your comfort zones on other people or what's outside your comfort zone on other people. As I said earlier, we contend to have be super comfortable and have really wide zones and certain areas and have really small zones in other areas. So what maybe perfectly within your comfort zone might be so far out of someone's comfort zone and that same area. So we do just need to trust that people can make these decisions for themselves. You can always offer these opportunities to people, like in that study that we mentioned, people had to be offered the stretch experience opportunities and then it was up to them whether they took them or not. That's the same with this. And again, if you want, if you have, to test the waters with just some like baby steps at the edge of that comfort zone before you take any big leaps, I'm going to say right now this is your absolute sign to do it. Start taking those steps I...

...know throughout this episode that you are thinking of a specific area of your life, whether that be professionally, Romantically, socially, in your hobbies, whether you're taking that leap in a specific direction in something you want to try out, but you're nervous too. I know that there's something specific you're thinking of. There's something specific I'm thinking of. So this is all of our sign to start taking those baby steps, at least if you're not ready to make the jump, make a couple baby steps. This is your sign. If you want to send me a message, let me know how it goes, because I would love to hear about it. And that's all I have for today's episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. Sorry if you heard the crows in the background. My balcony doors always open because Nora likes to sit in it and just fresh air. But again, thank you so much for tuning in. Thanks for all of the continued support in my quest to monetize my podcast and I will talk to you next week. Thanks so much. By.

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