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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 1 year ago

Episode 6: Thinks on Kinks

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

A quick introduction to the kink world and 5 common kinks. Happy Valentines Day!

Hello and welcome back to sex, love and psyche. Thank you for tuning in this week for this pre Valentine's Day episode on thanks on Kinks. So just to preface, before I get into any specific kinks, I wanted to touch on some general kink care behavior. So, before taking part in any new kink, so the partner and make sure to communicate, set boundaries, set safe words if necessary, and make sure you're knowledgeable on how to safely do whatever kink you're trying. So if it's like rope or cuffs, make sure you have rope cutting scissors that aren't gonna harm your partner or make sure you have the key to the cuffs or whatever. Just make sure you have a quick get out if needed. Don't forget after care following your playtime. Things like bedsm and stuff like that can be pretty intense and it's important to reconnect and take care of each other after the endorphin rush fades. This can be like subspace, Don Space, where during the play you get up into a super elevated state of mind, all the endorphins are rushing and it can cause kind of a crash after and that's really when you need to be taken care of each other. That being said, you don't have to be into all of the same things. Soft and hard boundaries are valid, soft boundaries meaning something that you'd maybe consider but you're maybe not ready for it at this point, and hard boundaries being hard nosed. Those are valid and shouldn't be disrespected in a any kind of context of a kink play. Kink shaming, though, not cool. If your partners into something that you're not, that doesn't mean you have to be into it, but don't shame them for what gets them off. Simple as that, and this goes for a vanilla shaming to some people aren't Kinky, and that's okay, hundred percent okay. If...

...you got if it's important to you and your partner isn't really wanting to do that, or just just you're into very different level of things, maybe just have a conversation see if this is going to be something you can both work through. Also note that whatever kink you want to try, if it's something you, you nor your partner, have done before, it's not going to be perfect and overly sexy the first time you do it. Probably a lot of these things take practice. They can feel kind of awkward at first. It's just having an open communication with your partner, being willing to have those awkward moments and those learning moments and working through it with the ultimate goal of having a really fun Kinky time if that's on your agenda. So, without further ado, let's jump into US some common kink. So I found five that are on a lot of lists of like some common kinks and just common kinks that I've heard of from dating APPs or my last job at the sex shop. So number one that I wanted to cover is group sex. threesomes, orgies, gang bangs, all that. So unfortunately, this is probably the least covid friendly one, probably pretty much illegal at this point. That's way too many cohorts. But with that being said, post covid time, Pre covid time definitely a thing. So one thing to note with any group sex ordeals discussion and communication with all parties involved. So you have to discuss everyone's boundaries. If you're in the context of a relationship, discuss any insecurities or jealousy think may pop up after your threesome, orgy, Gang Bang,...

...whatever happens. If you are with a partner in a in the context of our relationship. Make sure to check in with them after, communicate any feelings or jealous feelings or just anything you really enjoyed like. Keep that communication conversation open before, during a and after. This includes safe words and paying attention to the reactions of others throughout the entire course of the group sex event. Also, pre getting into any of these things, make sure you have a conversation about SCIS and make sure ever ruin's up to date on their checks, because there's no shame in having one, but that's something you don't want to spread around if you don't need to. So safe sex STI checks conversation if you do have a threesome, because let I see that that's probably the most common one, especially on dating APPs. There's a lot of couples out there looking for a dart. If you have done this, don't let any leftover jealousy or anything. Maybe you didn't except any reactions you didn't expect to happen. Don't let them fester inside you because they're just going to grow, you're going to ruminate on them and it's going to cause problems later. Make sure you keep the communication open even after it happens, so again, as I said, any of these jealous feelings or anything, just make sure you get them out. have an open communication with your partner. Just keep that going. You can have a good sexy time. So, as I mentioned dating APPS, there are a lot of couples looking for a third this can work, but I don't think it's probably the most effective way. Obviously, without covid you can go to sex clubs, swingers clubs. Maybe you can find someone in the lifestyle a little bit easier that way. Or websites like fet...

...life are going to help guide you to communities and Events and that kind of thing connect you with more people in that community. So number two is a big umbrella term that works on a sliding scale covers a lot of different things. It is the ever popular bedsm. So it is what you will see it. Well, lame versions in fifty shades and three hundred sixty five days. These are kind of terrible examples. Honestly. BEDSM there may have brought less taboo about the bedsm community, but it's also promoting a lot of harmful act harmful practices. You can go back to my consent episode to hear about how consent is an ongoing and fully given thing and there's no contracts that are that binding that you will have to go beyond your boundaries or not be able to say stops. That's not proper or safe BBS M. it's going to give a lot of shitty effects for whoever's being disrespectful or disrespected. Sorry, probably the sub in those situations. So when it comes to bondage, the be in Bedsm, always have a way to quickly release any ropes, cuffs or etc. In case it gets to be too much for the person who's bound or in any emergency situation. So just always have a quick way to get out of it. have a safe word or if there is some sort of ball gig involved or you can't voice you're safe word, make sure you have some like tapping or snapping, like three taps on the shoulder or like snap your fingers. Have a signal for when it gets to be too much or when you hit up boundary. D Dumb sub portion of the beds m. just a quick precursor. Being a Dick does not equal being a dom...

I've talked to so many people on dating apps and stuff who think, who title themselves as a dom, but really they're just using the title of Dom as a way to be a controlling or degrading person and kind of having a way to just disrespect people but make it seem like it's just kinky fun, and that's not okay, that's not safe. It's going to be pretty damaging in the long run. And a lot of these people don't know anything about after care. So, as I mentioned, the dam subspace, that's a big endorphin rush. There's a lot of trust there. After care is super necessary. You don't want to make your partner feel like they are actually like, if degrading as part of it. You don't want to make them feel like they're actually those terrible things you said or that you want to hurt them. So you really got to take care of them after so you must taking care of your dub dumb. That's a big space to get someone's head into. They need to be can looked after too, and taking care of us. Well, in the dawn sub relationship, someone should not be punished for using their safe word or wanting to stop, as is the case in some beds, m erotic level of fiction, movies, books, whatever. No one should be punished for using their safe word. That's what I say for it. As for so the SADOMASOCHISM portion of beds M is pain play, either inflicting or receiving. This can be spanking, whips, crops, slapping, all of that. So with this make sure your boundaries are definitely discussed and make sure you know what you're doing. There are safer ways to play with impact play, where you're not actually going to do any damage but you're still going to like, feel that rush of pain, and places like taboo or sex shows or pink events are probably going to have some workshops on how...

...to do it properly, to inflict point payment in a way that's exciting but doesn't actually long term hurt your partner. With boundaries in the context of pain play, this can also be different levels of pain, like a soft slap or soft whip versus a harder impact. Just make sure you're communicating with your partner. It's not going to feel as like in the movies if you're not, like if you are constantly checking in with partner and making sure that you're not going too hard or too fast and making sure that they're okay. But it is really important, especially in the early stages of trying to do this kind of play. Eventually you might get to know better what your partner's limits are and you can better gage just by the reaction. But in the early stages definitely just be checking in with each other making sure everyone's good. Number three that I wanted to touch on was voyeurism and exhibitionism. So this is the kink of watching or being watched. This can get sketchy. Legally this must be a consensual act. He can't watch someone without their knowledge and you can't put someone in the situation where they have to watch you without their consent. So like sex in public places. That's why that's kind of an issue, because anyone who walks by or catches you or whatever might be a thrill to you, but they didn't consent to be part of the sex play. So just don't include the minute. I know it's tempting, I know it can be a super tabboo exciting thing, but just don't do it. Those people haven't consented and don't watch someone without their consent. That's super, super creepy. But again, the sex and swingers clubs, when they are able...

...to be open again, are a great fur voyeurism and exhibitionism. You can go participate and wind up having people observing you doing whatever sex after doing, or you can be a an observer if you're more on the voyeuristic side. But again, consent is huge. Communication big. If you wanted to go get the feel of like maybe someone watching without like watching someone without being known or whatever, maybe just try and set that up in the future. It's not going to be quite the same, but with your partner if you want to pretend like you're spying on them without their consent, just make sure you have that conversation early, like a lot of that's just going to be something that I go back to constantly with kings. It's just communication, consent, all that fun stuff. So number four is actually a pretty big craze right now that's increasing in popularity. You may have seen tick talks about it or just on social media, and that is pegging pretty controversial, but it's also getting huge. This generally means a female using a strap on on their male partner. I have seen it used in other contexts, but this is what I will be discussing in this episode. So some general tips for Anal but specifically for pegging in this context. Make sure to take it slow. Use a loop, water based loop, because it's more Toye safe. Listen to your partner. Start Small, especially if they haven't tried any plate anal play before. Start very small, like anal plug, small dial dos. Just make sure they're really relaxed and work your way up to whatever the goal size is. If you are few female in the relationship and you're trying to push pegging on your partner, just respect their wishes. Start Small if they've consented...

...to it. Don't just go buy the biggest del Dough from the store. I saw that happened a few times when I worked at the sex store and I felt terrible for the boyfriend. So just keep the communication open, as I've said a million times before. Also, if you are worried about anal giving whatever receiving, whether you're male or female, there are such thing as relaxing gels. There is one by intimate earth. I can't remember exactly what it's called, maybe adventure, something like that. It's intimate Earth's for Anal Relaxing Gel. I would recommend against using a numbing cream, because then you won't be able to feel if anything is wrong and you will be more prone to rips and tears and we don't want that. Those will be easy, pretty easily infected and it's just going to cause a lot more harm than good. Relax, have fun, communicate and the shouldn't need to be said. But you can be a straight man and be into pagan if you have a female partner, then you aren't gay. Just because you like a no play doesn't make you gay. Just putting that out there. So number five that I wanted to touch on maybe isn't as heard of by as many people. I've heard of it as a lot, but I have had the unique experience of working in a sex store and being very open and having a lot of people share their kings with me. So number five that I wanted to touch on is cuck holding. Slew as. People are cut Queens, cut kings, whatever. It can go both ways. I've seen it more where it's the male who wants to be cooked, but it can happen in the opposite situation. So cuckolding is the act of your partner being sexually satisfied by another...

...person, either while you watch or with your knowledge, but hearing about it after, like hearing all the details. Cheating is not cuck holding because it does not involve consonsent of all parties involved. Just putting that out there. But it can include some level of humiliation where the partner who is being cuck holded is star to watch. Maybe the third party is saying demeaning things or the partner is saying to meaning things to the one being cuckolded, making them do maybe more humiliating acts within let and just watching their partner be pleasured by another person. This seems super outlandish to some people, but hey, if everyone is consenting, everyone is good. I don't see a problem with it. Doesn't make you less of a man or a woman just because you get turned on by the thought of your partner being plus pleased by someone else. If it's fun for you, then it's fun for you, and if you have a partner that's willing to do it, then I say go for it. So that was just a quick summary of my list of five kings. I would love to do more Kank episodes in the future, but let me know what you think, what you want to hear more of. I'm always open to feedback. Most of you have my contact information in one way or another. Be Safe, have fun, communicate, listen to your partners and don't be afraid if it's a little awkward at first, because it probably will be. Honestly, I also wouldn't recommend trying new things with new hookups, like one night stands and stuff that's we're going to get somewhat sketchy and you haven't had that trust builtap. But who am I to tell you what to...

...do? As long as it's consensual and all the parties are good with it, then go for it in whatever context you want. Just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day to all the singles and the couples and throubles and whoever else out there. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will see you next week. Have a great weekend, guys. By.

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