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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode 41 · 2 months ago

Episode 40: The Trans Experience Part 3

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The third and final installment of my interview series on the trans experience with my special guest. This week we discuss how to be a better ally and how to respond to trasnphobia. Happy Pride! 

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Sex, love and psyche. Thank you so much for tuning in. Today is going to be the third and final installment of my interview series on the trends experience with my special guest. Happy Pride Month, everybody. We're about halfway through. Thank you so much for tuning in and keeping up, if you have been, without further ado, I'm just going to jump straight into the last portion of this interview. So kind of moving on to we've covered a lot of how, like the Shitty reactions, the token trans friend being fetishized. Yes, let's move on to some more of like the positive side and like being better allies to trans people or like Lgbtqi, obviously, but you can uniquely speak to your experience as a trans woman. So, like, how does someone be a good ally to you in your brain right? So I think the best way to put it, which, like I kind of touched on earlier, is just to accept us and not allow us. And I have people in my life who, like I said, like make me feel accepted and make me feel like allowed into their life and like I can just feel the difference, I can sent it and it's up to allies, queer or not, like, because they're, yeah, under the umbrella, like there are queer people who are very, you know, transpositive, and there are just head people who are very, you know, transphobic, and they they all just need to like actively be better. They need to research what they don't get and they need to understand that they might not understand everything in the world when it comes to my identity or their identity, their own even, hmm. But...

...that doesn't make them, you know, less of a human being themselves or and it shouldn't make me less of one either, because you don't understand my life. Like just, except that you might not get it and you can still be friends, like yeah, except don't ask me questions every day of your life, don't, you know, force me to simplify my experience. Don't ask me to dumb down the words some sayings so that you can get it. Just get it and if you don't get it, naturally take the steps yourself to get it and at like in the meantime, just accept the fact that you don't get it right now, but maybe one day you will, and just work towards that, but on your own time, and be a better person. Just just care about them the way you care about your mom or dad. Yeah, we're siblings or best friend in the world, because I have friends, like I said, who accept me and allow me in, and it's very obvious and it's wild to me that like, some people just us to accept me naturally easy. You know, they don't, Batnie, the fact that I'm trance has nothing to do with our friendship. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm just friends with these people, but I have people who, yeah, they they just allow me in and they cannot drop the fact that I'm trans. or it's very apparent. Even you know, if I didn't make an apparent, they definitely did. And whether they knew they did, or they act on a purposely or not purposely, it's just the way they are. When really they it's because they refuse to like grow as an ally. They don't research, they don't look up, they don't try their best, they just forfeit to you know. Oh, Welly, I have transfriends, like I can't be, you know, transphobic. That's yeah, that's on me, because I know a transperson. It's like the race thing. Yeah, people say all I can I know I have black friends so like I'm allowed to talk like this or make those jokes. Yeah, that's terrified and disgusting and that's literally what people do to...

...me. They like they know me or they know I of me and my identity and they use it as ownership over the and that they are now the perfect ally because they have a transfriend. Yeah, really, and like an excuse her shitty behavior. Yeah, and instead of just working on their shitty behavior, they just allow it to happen because, well, they have a transfriend. So, yeah, different, but it's really not. It's worse. It's worse when it comes from people you trust. Yeah, I think. Yeah, when it comes to like even intent and impact, like if they are doing it out of a place of ignorance, which is a whole nother thing. Like ignorance when you're an adult is basically your own choice. Yeah, thing not to educate yourself. Yeah, but even if you don't intend something to be offensive and you are told it's offensive, that's a pretty big difference in intention and the impact it has. Yeah, so we kind of got a correct that behavior the best we can, and I definitely try within my own life or life and relationships like the the people I know, I try my best to keep the accountable, HMM, and as well as like educate on my own time, HMM, and just, you know, exist around them too, to hopefully get them to realize that, like, you know, I'm not I'm not existing around you because you allowed it. I'm existing whether or not you were here. Yeah, and you have to realize that. And like most of my friends get it. My family members, of unfortunately don't, and certain people my life they still are trying to grasp but, like, I'm still here and I'm still going to exist and I am still trans, whether or not you're yeah, whether they grasp it or not. Yes, and it's just, you know, it would make the world easier for us, for me, for you, if you just tried a little more to educate yourself on your own or like maybe, yeah, try to get it. Listen to a podcast, you know. Yeah, follow some trends, tech talkers. Yeah, Oh my God, trance, social media and influencers have changed even my own life because, like I...

...said, I don't unfortune unfortunately, don't know any personally, any other trans people, but I follow, like I said, every every type of trans individual, every type of queer individual period under the spectrum, the entire umbrella. I try my best to follow only queer creators because it is so much more impactful, it's so much more serious to me. I care about it and I resonate with it so much more. It just makes me feel, you know, I guess, more like solidified. I guess maybe the validation that I essentially used to look for in like within my family or insist have relationships, I now seek through, you know, other queer people and I make sure that I am even in my own sense like that I'm an ally for gay, lesbian and by anything also under the spectrum. I try my best to just understand and educate myself with their experiences, because I don't have that experience, and that is again, like that's just all I can do instead of pretend like I get it just because I'm trans and I'm part of the LGBT plus community. Like just because I'm an acronym, does it mean I get your life and I know that. So that's all people have to do. And like I feel like Queer people get it the most, hmm, just because we are queer. To we are all under that umbrella. But like SYS have people they feel so like maybe left out so that they just refused to ever educate themselves. Yeah, and I think I saw one. It was more about grace as an issue, but I saw like creators of color talking about like, because there's a lot of like Caucasian people, like, let's say me. I'm like, Hey, I have all of these occasion. Yeah, like, let's say I have four different questions that I want to know about someone's experience as a black individual. Like do I...

...bray them with these questions? But the creators like concept that they were trying to get across is the best way that you can get those questions answered is just going too those spaces, follow those pages and just listen, like, don't ask, just listen to what they're saying. Pay Attention, and you'll get those questions answered eventually, because they're already talking about it, they're living their lives there, exist saying whether you're there or not. So just like shut up and listen. Drive, yeah, Bible, just shut up. A like exactly. It's and I could not imagine, you know, the experience of a transperson of color, and I am, you know, only a Caucasian transperson who've experienced this these twenty five years, hmm, of my life. But, like I again, I could not begin to try talk to are said, the like the experience of other trends, people of Color who, you know, maybe face the same issues as me because our trance. But it's all different. Everything is deeply rooted and racism and it's stuff that I've never experienced and it's something that I'll never claim to experience either. Like it's it's just an understanding that I don't get it, HMM, and exactly the only way that I could begin to get it is just to be there for them. Yeah, sure not. You know, up in just shot shot up to listen exactly, so up and sit down. It's just, yeah, it's a respect thing. But, like says, have people like to make a spectacle of something they don't understund and they like to bring it up and bring attention to it, even if they feel like they're doing it as a good thing, to ask the questions and to be the person, yeah, wants to know, because she and the intent could be good, yes, but the yeah, the directness, and it doesn't need to...

...be done in your way. It doesn't he done this his headway. It can just be like understood if you just tried to be better instead of yet forcing herself to be different. Yeah, just listen instead of asking for once. Just listen. Nobody out with nobody owes you the time where they sit there and answer all your questions or no. That's that's emotional labor. It is an the labor being a cup to start paying. Oh my God, going to ask them that many questions? I actually like to talk to about my payment for that after the recording. Will talk about that now. This is Probo I loves like Chaz Photo Trans King. Yes, see, I know what good. Good. Thank you so kind of another part of being a better allie. It's like how we react to Transphobia, whether it be like a stranger in public, at a business friends in like conversation that you're having, or like people at a party that you're out or something like. How can we better react to transphobia? kind of like the the exact opposite to what we were just saying. When educating yourself, you can do it in such a powerful way by just sitting down and shutting up and not, you know, talking and involving yourself, when this is the exact opposite, like if you witness anything in any way, shape or form in any situation, whether it be or job or their job, or relationships, yeah, friendships, and just out in public anything. If you experience or witness blatant Transphobia, sitting down and say nothing makes you works, like in my opinion, like I could, because I could personally handle, you know, specifics and people coming at me with their, you know, misinformed lifes and opinions...

...on my own life. But like if someone is just letting it happen around them or near them or anything like that is worse to me. Like you can, it doesn't affect you any like, you know, less to sound up for someone period, you know, like everybody says, like you's just be kind, and that's true, but like, for some reason trans people get the least kindness in any you know, from anybody, any walk of life, queer or not. And like there's so many hate crimes that happen to Trans People and people just let them slide because they maybe are too afraid of it. It's to taboo. They don't want to educate themselves, they don't want to learn. But like and also like the act of being friends with someone who's trans, is or like standing up for someone who's trance is still looked at as like weird and grops. Yes, Stigma Trans people is so intense that, like they just said, people can walk by and not want anything to do with it and just allow Trans people to be, you know, assaulted or hate crime to or, HMM, bullied in any way, shape or form, whether it be at school or whether whether you're forty, you know, the grocery store, like it's it's upsetting at the end of the day. But to be better, it's just to speak up and, you know, just care. Yeah, show kindness like you would to anybody else, whether the fact you can, I guess, physically tell their trans if you don't know the stranger across the street like that, shouldn't affect whether or not going to help them as a person. And, yeah, like the whole passable. They like there are people who, like if I've been in a situation where I've experienced it, like hey, crimes or anything, and then somebody tried to stand up for me, but then they realize that the person assaulted me was because of my gender identity, that like they would then stop or stop helping or assist them, even you know, because...

...they want nothing to do with Trans People. Like that is real and that sounds so terrified to you and say all out, but that is real, that is genuinely so many people's experiences, and like that is so weird that that can just be accepted and okay when, like, if that was just, if that was a kid, you wouldn't do that, if that was a yeah, Old Lady, wouldn't do that, but if it was an old transperson, you would. Like that makes no sense. It's just be any stand up, you know, speak up for the people you care about and ereboting the world doing if you don't know them. You shouldn't allow, you know, assaults to happen or, Hey, crimes period to happen. And not just because you have a transpriend you know, or yeah, trans because there are person, because they're a person. Whether or not you know any trans people should not dictate whether or not you help a trans person or a queer person general. Yeah, like you should just care. Yeah, and I know we've also talked about in the past how, like standing out for a someone in one of these situations doesn't always look like putting yourself on harm. Soay, like, if it's a dangerous situation. You don't have to jump in there and also get your ass beat. Savior accomplice. Yeah, you know, you don't have to do that. You can, like, if it's a violent situation, you can call the police. If it's like a situation a party, you can go up to your friend or whoever it is after or you can try to remove them from the situation right, like hey, let's go to the bathroom, like, Hey, let's move you away, like it doesn't always have to be like getting in that person's face or throwing punches or like screaming at anyone. No, like just because they're being physical with us. You know, does not always that salmon. You know, sometimes it helps, sometimes it really doesn't. But also, like the like the amount of pay cards that I've unfortunately like witnessed or witness like from social media, of people I follow who have gone through shit. When like, like I know so many people who have been assaulted in broad daylight, in public on the street. Yeah, and no one called the...

...cops. Yeah, people just watched as if it was like some sideshow, you know, street performance thing, bystander effect. Yeah, it's by center effect, but it's wild when it's like like we all hear about that turn bullies and by centers in little like an elementary school shit. Yeah, we all hear about it, but then nobody says the word about it, you know, post grade eleven, because, you know, we're focused on being adults. And then we're adults and all a sudden we're thrown into a million more and more severe, unfortunately like situations where bullies and by senders are so much more apparent than anything I've ever witnessed in my you know, youth. There in my like schooling, in my education, like I've never I've rarely witnessed assaults or hay crimes or, you know, bullies essentially. But as an adult it's so much more apparent because nobody talks about it, nobody cares and everybody would rather just walk away and pretend like it doesn't exist or doesn't effect them, when like that is so weird to me, like you could just be a good person and if if it makes you unsafe to do anything, if it makes you feel I'm safe to stand up for anything, then exactly there's so many more ways to call for help, to get help, to be the help and not just like physically stand in the way of the Transperson, or any person for them, are being assaulted. HMM, when, for some reason, when it comes to trans people and Queer people in generally, it just all those rules just get forgotten. Yeah, and it's just like do the bare minimum, yeah, be that's it. Yes, like exactly, you know, do the bare minimum. Yeah, you know, try your hardest, just not be terrible, HM, and hopefully it goes well. So thank you so much for popping on and sharing your experience and popping God and popping off. Yeah, being that educator for us all,...

...for being the token tread not my token trance, but thank you so much for coming on and sharing your experience. Of course. Yeah, no, it just helps other people, helps me to to like validate myself and, you know, thankfully, I don't crush myself, but it valuidates my life and it makes me like I'm going to leave here be like I feel better for talking, you know, just to someone. Yeah, even if nobody listens to this, talk to you, and I'm glad that it's well. Thanks, you're happy, Trans thank you so much for tuning into this third and final episode. I want to again give a special thanks to my special guests for coming on and playing the part of an educator today for all of us and over the last couple weeks. Again, thank you so much. I know she's listening because she loves to hear the sound of her own voice. Just getting buddy. Thanks for tuning in and I will talk to you all next episode. Happy Pride Months. I hope the rest of the month is absolutely amazing for everybody. Thanks so much right.

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