Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode 40 · 3 months ago

Episode 39: The Trans Experience Part 2


A continuation of last week's interview on the trans experience. This week we break down some common myths and misconceptions. My guest also discusses her frustration with the no-win situation of navigating being a trans woman in a cis-het society that seems to think she's never doing it right. 

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Sex, love and psyche. Thank you so much for tuning in again, without me talking too much at the beginning of this, this is going to be part two of my interview on the Trans Experience. Today we'll get into some myth busting and more talk about the experience of a Trans Individual in a SIS head society. So let's jump right in. How about we move into some myth busting, because there's a lot of different ideas, there's a lot of misinformation, misconceptions about Trans people sow. But we get into busting some of those who you're to call mythbusters. Okay, so the first one you kind of were just a leading to us. Well, the first myth that we came up with kind of was the that Trans People are trying to like trap or confuse other people. Oh yeah, yeah, everybody thinks, well, every susgendered, I don't Obit of person. That halls into back out of our loves to think that people like me are just tricking bit or trapping that in a situation, or a anything for that matter, because like, as in our lives really, really like revolve around the tricking and trapping of Susgender, men or women, depending on their sexual preference or anything. It's very weird and it's degrading for sure. It definitely even like when it comes to a job, like people have definitely accused me of like be me being part about my life, thinking that I'm using it to get a job interviews, that when I get the job, I could always use the card of I'm trans if I get in trouble or if I get fired or would like anything like. People love to say that I'm just using the Trans Card essentially or whatever, because I'm not disclosing it right off the bat, like the way they think I'm trapping them, tricking them, and also, like, like I said, through my experience, like men and relationships like they like to all think that I'm trapping them to like change their mind, persuade them to do anything they don't want to do, by not disclosing my general identity or, like, my past, I guess. Yeah, clearly your whole life, it's curated for Travis on tender. You said it vis. I'm sorry, yeah, it's it's wild that, like I couldn't imagine thinking that somebody's existence has to do with like me solely it's wild that, like says, had people it's so normal and normalize to call people tricks or traps, but also like, yeah, I don't know, there's also the other side of it too, where, like, I guess we'll talk to you about it, I think, in one of the next myths that we have. But there's the sizations fishes essentially of Trans people trapping and tricking men and they love it and they exploit it and they think that that's like a turn on or kink or anything, when really it's disgusting and it's Sasty and there are people who, like, I'm not one to you know, King Shame people, but to me and foot of you're the cank. Yeah, my existence is the KINK, it's a fetish and it's not okay, yeah, it's not like you know, BSM or anything. That's fine, and there's definitely like the scale of either extreme to not extreme for kinks and fetishes, for sure, but like, my existence is not one, and that's something that I've noticed and I definitely recognize on both ends and the spectrum, from straight people and Trans People. I've Seen Trans people feed into that narrative that they're trapping people and they love it, hmm, and that's their own internalized transphobia and they want to fit in with...

...society and they want to be treating as equal to head guys that they're trying to impress. So they they've found a space that they are allowed to be. Yes, they play the part as the trap because it gives them like validation to meet these men and like impress or prove them right, essentially so that they're looked at as like not the token transperson. Yeah, which is wild on its own. So the next one we have here is that gender identity is linked as actual orientation. This is true. No, no, I. Yeah, a lot of people think that your sexual identity, or general identity, sorry's different, or I mean linked to your sexual preference, where a lot of people just called me gay my whole life, like I said before, and a lot of people will just call like male to female or female to male. Sorry, Trans men, they'll just call them lesbians and like degrade their entire existence and a race it because they think that they're just lesbians. Yeah, she's like a lesbian with extra steps. Yes, it's very that there there's growth. It's gross. It's an erases our experience it. He races our lives by linking them without understanding that it's two separate things. And I, yes, I identify as a straight person because I am interested in straight men. Unfortunately, yeah, you know, sorry, sorry about it, but I'm, yeah, interested sexually in straight men and because of my experience being a trans person, that makes me a straight person. And a lot of people are straight woman. Yeah, they can't grasp their heads around that because they do not understand the difference between general identity and sexual orientation, and that is, yeah, a huge man. That's unfortunate. So another one kind of is that kids aren't old enough to understand general identity or know that they might be a different gender. Yeah, this is definitely a sense of topic because it has two children. Yeah, which I fully understand. But, like I said, in my experience I knew the way I was because of something essentially degrading like the and also like misinforming. Like I just read the word sex change and just like identified with it, and that's definitely great. But like the myth also that you have to transition medically to be considered translate. That is that is confusing for a job to hear. But like children in general, they should be allowed freely to express themselves, and we all say that. All parents say that. I like my kids who express themselves, but the second it's against the binary MMM, or, you know, not up to your like sexual orientation standard as a systet like parental figure. HMM, they go against and they hate it so much and they think that it's ruining their children or children's life, instead of just, like the child, still expressing themselves and like children should be able to feel the need to identify this way or that way throughout their childhood so that when they're older, they can make smarter decisions and be happier people based off of their identities and their sexual orientations, no matter how they identify or about their preferences, because it'll make them better humans at the end of the day, instead of closeted and afraid it or depressed and having many like social and mental disorders because they were never allowed to express themself. And that's something that I wish definitely could change, because children, again, that should be able to like express himself. Yeah, and even if they would happened to be like a temporary faith, like let them play around with Geener, let them fuck around with it. I think all kids should be whole there express themselves whatever way they want. Yeah, whenever they want, because exactly when...

...they're eighteen, when they're one thousand, nine hundred and twenty, whatever age, they leave their home. God Forbid, like younger, like fourteen, fifteen, because that happens. But like, and especially the queer people, like we all know, there's a lot of people who definitely leave their passes. Yeah, I'm wanted, and not because they needed like, not because they want it to because they had to reforce you. HMM, younger than seventeen, which is like heartbreaking, but it's because they weren't allowed to express himself and they were taught to feel certain ways to certain days, and it's definitely like it's just a spectrum. This kid or that kid, or your kid could be allowed to feel a little bit more mail that day or let it less mail that day, but that doesn't make your kid wrong, it makes them a kid who's expressed off and by the time that kid is old enough to actually resonate and actually realize like, Oh, I feel this way. HMM, they should be allowed to and they should be here too, and then also they will have the acceptance of a family, mean that a lot of people who are here don't have, and I know that will be the backbone of their life, which could change lives and change like pretty much the fuster the future of you know, Queer Queer Um, essentially. Yeah, history. That could change. And Yeah, part of all of that, I think, is you hear someone say they have a transcid and a lot of people jump to like the medical transition side. Yes, I like as a kid it's more of like a social transition, like you wear different clothes, maybe you get a haircut, maybe you do different activities, but it's all very reversible stuff. Yeah, at early ages. And like, again from my experience, I wish that I could have medically transitioned when I was yeahs say, because I read it and I knew and thankfully I still know today. And I'm never questioned myself, which is wild, and I know that that's something I've been blessed to experience with in my really like within my relationship with myself. I've never experienced questioning or doubting myself, thank God. But that doesn't like make me a better transferson than anybody else. It doesn't make people who do question their identities less than or anything worse than me. It's just my experience. But like kids wearing pink, who, you know, we're born male, doesn't affect them. No, and no different thing. Yeah, a little girl wearing blue, like it's yeah, it's, you know, a color, it's a sport, it's an activity, it's a toy. Even. Nay, you can dumb nicknames all the time and we call them that. Yeah, my nicknames were probably terrible, but, like you know, it's in nothing in my life that my parents could have done or wanted to do, or that family members or friends or, you know, bullies in school. Like nothing that anybody did or said to me ended up affecting the way I thought about myself. Think, yeah, you're true, today I'm sor and I'm so being exactly. So nothing actually is that serious. So the next myth is that being transist mental illness. True, sorry, yeah, that's for sure myth. I definitely think that I'm again like blessed because of my experience to not face much depression or severe anxiety or anything else that could be linked to queer people facing their gender identity and that resulting and mental illnesses. Because of life and their brain and their patterns. Like thank God I don't have that. But it's two separate things. When people say that like gender identity is a mental illness because it's in your head, is so far from the truth. And like again, that's just like simple education, like you could just look it up, yeah, and you will find out that that is literally so far from the truth.

But like I think that's because mental illness is soft. Still has that stigma. Yeah, absolutely, gender identity and Queer people alone, like we it's all just one stigma. You know, it's all rooted in society and succeet society and it's something that we have to like move forward and move past from. Yeah, because even coming from like psychological, psychological perspective, like forty fifty years ago, being trans was in the diagnostic standards manual of psychology like as a mental disorder. But that was less to do with it being a mental illness. I'm more to do with how society looked at Trans People. Correct it was removed decades ago. Like let's move past that really old school kind of thinking. It's not one thousand nine hundred and fifty. This is no, the world is much bigger than your small town and you're selling, you know, move on in moving on. The next kind of myth we have here is that being friends with some new trend, which we kind of also just talked about a little. It's been for a long time, it's been there forever and it's it's just it's more prominent now because the world is bigger that it used to be thirty years ago. Yeah, there's a million more ways to communicate and express yourself under west. Thirty more like thirty years. Yeah, we have access to more people. Yeah, the the worlds are fingertips on their phones. So kids should be able to see things and be like, oh, that's me the way I did. Yeah, but like they just had an opportunity to do that instead of the one article that I happened to just come across. It's it's not that, it's it's everything the world, you know, and that's it's not a trend or a wave of trans people. Is just people being more open and aware of themselves, which is just creating a better society. Yeah, just more visible. Yeah, more Missus, people like me going on podcasts for little kids to listen and be like hey, same and then being like unapologetic and able able to express themselves instead of hiding. And that, again, is on a trend. It's not a wave. It's not forcing it into them or them forcing its off of them. People forcing anyone to be Trans Yeah, don't you know. Choose your life. Don't listen to this podcast and assume your transdn't UN diagnosed. But like, it's very it shouldn't be as sensitive as people make it out to be, which a lot of people, especially like conservative or Republican type people, I guess I'll say, love to claim that weird, the sensitive ones. Oh yeah, because like the snowflakes who use the pronouns like yeah, really, that's actually the least. The least, send something that sounds like you're getting pretty Ma out mad at a pronoun. there. It's you know, Anga is an emotion and you. E. I'M gonna decide to not, because I'm not not actually affected by, you know, the world, just choosing to live a certain way. I'm not the sense of one. So that kind of brings US card. expoint to is that this next myth is that people choose to be Trans yes, to be better at sports or to sexual assault women in bathrooms. Yeah, that that whole stigments disgusting. We definitely talked about that, like off camera, off the MIC before. It's while that people think that and it's we like we talked about how it's just rooted in Misogyny. And, yeah, it's creating a narrative to just like direct an issue at someone, to like not actually deal with the issue. HMM, when, like Trans People, the whole bathroom issue that Trans people face is just because they want to use a restroom, yeah, where they don't get hate credded and they just want to use the washers. Just want to go that acid. We just want to peep.

But like, yeah, people love to say that like Trans Women who, you know, were born male, want to go into sexually assault people or women or kids and they hide behind their identity. Like that's so like that is that's saying that, like sexual assaults is a transit sue, when it's not. Everybody in the world could be a privator for a survivor of you know, yeah, sexual assault, and that's the real issue. Is Sexual Assault. That issue is not Trans People. And Yeah, and that's a lot of work to put into sexually assault someone. Yeah, that's a change your entire identity. That's exhausting and that's something like. That's, you know, predatory behavior. That's, yeah, Trans Behavior. That's not rooted it being a Transperson, you know, male or female. That's sexual assault. That's not okay, and that's the sports thing to like we talked about how the whole issue being like male to female Trans People in sports just to dominate women's sports, when really, like, that's just it erases the whole, I guess, gender identity, the whole, like everybody who is female to male transition. Yeah, we don't hear anything about that. Yeah, what about the Trans men and male sports who are getting pumped full of Testostero? Yeah, there is no issue. They're not magically winning and dominating men. Said, if they are, it's because they're good. Like it's yeah, it's a skill. Every sport is a skill. And Yeah, people have like natural talent and natural ability, for sure, but like whether or not someone's hormones matches someone else's hormones, like is not something that gets tested in any sport. It's not something that was ever look for. When I was in school, we, yeah, everybody was playing basketball. It's not like the coach had to, you know, test all the to SAS shale levels of every great six kid, yeah, or great like greats of kid, boy or girl, yeah, to see who was like. That's so fucked up and wrong because SIS women can have higher levels of testofs are and also it's naturally a crying it's so natural and its exactly like it's just it's a hormone and I think honestly, just siet people don't understand their own hormones, so they force it onto this whole you know narrative that Trans people are just like these terrible, you know, Predator, predators who just domerty the world and we're taking when really it's just like we're trying to get into the society that y'all created. Were unfortunately doing it better than you guys could ever. Yeah, and then y'all, so a lot of you guys didn't care about women's sports until a transone showed up. It's like, so you could blame her far. It's pretty fruity, you know, but y'all can watch female sports for the women. Y'All had to watch it for the Trans Women to like sexualize her. You're trying to be protective of these ways. It's so gross. It's performed. It's not true, it's not real, it's literally performative. You're trying to sound like something each other. Sound like you care, when we really you probably just don't understand the world and like Google is there. You know, Google is there. Google is great, Google is Gree so another myth is that, like one that a lot of people like to bring up when we talk about medical trend fishing, is that so many trans people regret transitioning, right, jazz even, that that's so outdated and weird, when, like, the way I see it, and like we definitely talked about this to the way I see it is just like like SIS head people, SIS gender. Had Don't know, rip people created this society and Y'all created like the term transgender, and then y'all told us,...

...people like me, that we are transgender and we are this way, and then I'm just now accepting your rules and saying, okay, yeah, you're right, I'm going to be trans and I fit in your box. So here we are. And then they just hate it. They they tell us we're not doing it correctly. There tell us they we have to do it their way in order to pass in order to like continue on under the you know, supervision that we're doing it correct essentially. And like that way of living fifty years ago, of course, created so many people who probably regret it. Transitioning medically, yeah, because when pushed into surgeries. Yeah, they're forced into it because we were told our whole lives we have to yeah, when, like, if you're going to say your trends, you have to do this, this and that. Yeah, that's your method of confirming that I am trans to you. Like for you to finally respect me is trance. I have to do it your way. That's so messed up, but that definitely was the way society was. But now that like, and there are also a lot of like more box serge respects than as well, unfortunately, like says, I'm sorry, hmm, but like now the world is just so much wider and more open that like to say that people regret it is like or that a high percentage at least do. Because of course somebody could, but that's their own journey. That's not trans people. Yeah, just like Niger and transperson. Yes, my journey is on everybody too. It's my journey. Is Mine, somebody else's is theirs and if they kind of coincide or really or they wave back and forth, we'd with like similarities, that's great, but if not, that's cool regardless. I so identifies the way I do, and whether or not it matches somebody else's transition does not make theirs or mine less, you know, real it's just a way, it's just my way of life, the very one, my experience, versus theirs, and that's not a comparison, it's just two people living. Yeah, and that's like. Both are valid, both are concrete, like someone could feel the need to medically transition, as someone could definitely feel the need not to, and that means no different. HMM. I know some people, not personally, like I said, unfortunately, but I've heard of I've done my research, I've followed and been fans of any trans people who are all across the board, all across the spectrum what they identify with, what their transition journey has been, and it's all different. At the end of the day, they're all just normal people who are transit's. It's not one person is better than the other just because someone transitioned the way that somebody else didn't. That's so like ludicrous. That mindset is wild. Yeah, and the expectation even to pass is not something that we put on Si people like me as a sign female at birth, SIS gender woman. I can wear a baggy sweater, no makeup, have biggy sweatpants on and no one's going to be like Um, excuse me, or not a woman? Yeah, because your I can't tell that you're a woman right now, so you must not be a woman. Like that's not an expectation anyone puts on me. I can't where whatever I want. Yeah, I mean, like there's the whole like some female, some women like look a little more asculine, and maybe people like kind of push it on them. But like as just, I guess, an average woman. We don't get we don't get pushed on that. Right. I can wear any man's clothing, I can shop in them in section and nobody says that makes me last of a woman. Right. So why do we expect Trans Women to wear dresses and skirts and have their hair and makeup done every day? Yeah, it just it. It again, just forces us to do it their way. It forces us to do it as heet way that we were told to enforce to forever,... like it dates back to like when we're kids and our parents dressed us a certain way and if they didn't, they're forcing us to be different. Like when if, yeah, you allowed your kit to wear dresser, if you force your kit to wear a dress, like those are two very different things. Yeah, but like regardless of their gender, you know, assigned at birth. If you did it, if you force something, that's not okay. But why are likewise society allowed to just force us to feel this way our entire lives? From that moment on, from eighteen and on, I still have to do it your way and I, you know, have to do it the way of the sist men, the way they would approve, hmm, and their wives would approove, like it's I'm recording this podcast, was zero makeup on my face and my hair up in a putty tail. So I've hand say, swear on and I look no different and I feel no different than the people around me. Yeah, because because we're all it's just waiting here the same and like, I don't under stand. Like that's again, that has to do with like I've witnessed a lot of all sides of that spectrum. I've witnessed the men who forced it. I would like people. Guys have told me that they love to see me like dress up. Hm, and that word alone, like dress up, is so like dehumanizing to someone like me, at least to me and my experience, because that makes me feel like, if I happen to put on a cute top, that I'm doing it for men, MMM, and I am dressing up for the validation of men, when really I just put on a teacher. It's just a cute trait. It's just a cheap top, right, like if I buy sneakers or if I buy heels, like it's like, for the rest of my life I have to buy six inches a little pomps or else I'm not a woman. When that's psychotic. Not One girl I know constantly, seven, from the age of seventeen to death, wear's heels like that is psycho hmm. I have to do my makeup everywhere I go, or US people will see that I am trance or maybe be able to detect a lot quicker. Therefore, I should do my makeup constantly, twenty seven, all the time, in order to pass. Yeah, but then when I do that, in trapping them, yeah, because I confuse them it's a real no, wait, it's not. Lose. I'm just trying to live my life in the Bost shopping and film a podcast within the same day. But I have to get ready for one but then not get ready for the other to feel normal, like no, it's my life is like just a weird spectacle for sus set people, and they love to definitely force out on me and not take account of earlier think that they're doing anything to do with that one really like if I feel the need to have to prove myself in my gender in order to hang out with someone or in order to get a job, in order to do anything like that's not going to make me a better person or better employ here, but her girlfriend or better anything. It's going to be my life, health and only my life. Yeah, it's yeah, it's so weird little mindset that you know, Sysi society has. Yeah, course to make your existence about them. Yeah, and I mean good luck. Sorry, I do this for me. And that draws us to a close on this week's episode of Sex, love and psych this was part two of the Trans Experience. Make sure you tune in next week for the third and final part of the series on how to be a better ally. That's your little sneak peek. There's a little bit more information, but that's going to be the gist of next week's episode. Thank you to everyone who has tuned in. Special thanks to my guest for coming on and being so vulnerable and open to all of these questions and sharing her experience and I will talk to you all next week. Happy Bride everyone,.

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