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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 1 year ago

Episode 21: The Orgasm Gap

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

An examination of the stats of who orgasms most often, why that may be the case and some ideas on how we can close this gap and have more people reaching orgasm more often.

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Sex, love and psych to continue on with pride month and the lgbtq plus topics, this one isn't as specific to lgbtq plus, but as I go on, you will realize why I've included it in this month's series of episodes, as there is quite a difference in this gap between Hetero relationships and same sex relationships, as well as well as bisexual identifying people. So, to get into it, I will be discussing what is referred to as the orgasm gap. Everyone that had answered the poll that I put up on my instagram and facebook so they hadn't heard of it, which initially surprised me, but then I remembered that not everyone is so passionate about studying sex related topics and things like this and that I really...

...needed to just check myself and not every this isn't everybody's favorite focus. So moving on, you've probably heard of the wage gap, but apparently you haven't heard of the orgasm gap. So what is it? It is not a sex clothing star, as one one of my facebook friends asked me, which I thought was hilarious. Thank you for that, but simply put, it's the gap in how frequently partners Orgasm when engaged in sexual encounters. In an article from the Archives of sexual behaviors from two thousand and eighteen, they did a large US sample. It was over fifty twozero people. They were analyzed and one of the questions that was asked was if they usually and are always orgasmed when sexually intimate. And these are the percentages that people gave. So...

...in checking off yes, I usually or always orgasm when socially intimate. Header of sexual men were at the very top, with ninety five percent of them usually or always orgasming in these sexual encounters. Then gay men at eighty nine percent, by sexual men at eighty eight percent, lesbian women at eighty six percent, Bi sexual women at sixty six percent, and heateral women came dead last in at sixty five percent, compared to the Heatero man at ninety five. Let's just keep that in mind. So, as I said, this isn't specifically an lgbtq plus issue or topic, but as you can see, there is some variance between Hetero relationships and same sex relationships, where a heterow man and woman is going to be ninety five percent and sixty five percent, respectively, gay men, with other day men eighty nine percent, lesbian women...

...at eighty six percent, and bisexual men and bisexual women kind of in between there. The article that I was reading and referencing listed reasons that some women gave when for those that or goat, some more than others. The reasons included receiving more oral sex, longer duration of sex, more general real relationship satisfaction, asking what they want, asking for what they want in bed. So like that, communication up the chance of orgasm, more dirty talk and among a few other reasons that are like more specific, like acting out fantasies and stuff like that, and situationally, they were more likely to our orgasm if the encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation and or oral sex. So in some past episodes we can kind of see why some of the other...

...topics we've discussed could maybe influence this. So, like the porn industry episode I did, I believe I was like episode sixteen or something, I did discuss the focus of heterosexual porn on the penetrate of sex more than any for play, and the focus on the male orgasm or like the money shot and the male finishing being the finish of the point. In when we were discussing dating APPS and like cook up cultures and stuff, there's less focus on what the other person wants in these like hookups and areos. There's less communication. If it's a onenight stand or super casual thing, you don't really get that practice of getting to know each other or knowing what the other person likes or...

...maybe communicating why you like. You maybe aren't just comfortable with that person, so you might be a little more tense so you're less likely to orgasm. There is when we discuss toys. There is a lot of stigma surrounding the use of toys, especially in heterosexual relationships. It can be seen as some threat to the person's masculinity or just the idea that using toys means that you and your part or earn enough on your own. A lot of these stigmas. Were using toys for some extra stimulation, as we discussed earlier in this episode, that manual or oral stimulation can really up the in up the amount or likelihood of an orgasm from a female partner. And with hookup culture and...

...just a lot of hetero sexual sex, not necessarily all of it, but there is this idea that kind of skipping for play for place just kind of unnecessary evil to kind of get into doing the Penetrat of sex and there's not as much focus on for play, and Clat oral stimulation is very, very, very often ignored in Hetero sex encounters. So I wanted to jump into why might lesbian women be experiencing so many more orgasms than had a roboman again, the lesbian women reporting, eighty six percent of them usually or always orgasm twin. So sexually intimate versus heterosexual women, who sixty five percent of them reported usually are always orgasming. So why might this be? One thing could be kind kind of seems pretty obvious is the familiarity with female anatomy, with...

...to female presenting or female identifying people. You're going to have or even like Trans female people involved in this. You're going to have a lot more of that or trends men who transition from female you're going to have a lot more of that familiarity with female anatomy. kind of what feels good. What to focus on kind of the best way to go about these kinds of interactions in lesbian relationships there's generally more a communication of what you want and what your partner wants. A lot of this, I would say, is due to a stigma against men asking what their partner needs. Again with that whole questioning the masculinity or if I don't automatically know what my partner wants or if I have to ask, I'm less of a man. I think that there's a lot of the stigma put on men. So I'm not just blaming them completely.

That women are Hetero. Women aren't orgasming much in the lesbian relationships or woman loving woman relationships. There's also a greater focus on that oral and manual stimulation. It's not the main goal of the sex isn't penetration. It can be with like strap on some and stuff, but there's a lot more folks guests on that oral and manual genital stimulation. The other part here kind of what we discussed with the point sex isn't expected to end when one person finishes. So in like a lot of that heterosexual sexual relationships or Hetero porn you kind of like see the man finished on then sex is done whether the woman has finished or not, and that's not really the case in I want to say most lesbian or woman loving woman relationships. So what can we do to close...

...this gap so we can start removing some of these preconceived ideas of masculinity and Hetero sex, kind of questioning it in ourselves, where these ideas coming from? Are you really less of a man if you ask what your partner wants, or if you use toys or if you go down on your partner more? No, so let's like start examining that, coming out with a kind of thing. Another thing is women start asking hi, asking for what you want. There's again this kind of a stigma against woman speaking out. They're kind of seen as Bossie or demanding or whatever, maybe not as submissive if they ask for what they want. It's kind of it can be kind of hard to ask what you want if that's not something you're used to. But like just getting that practice. Men Start Thinking of the clitterists as the head...

...of your penis. If someone paid attention to only the base and shaft of Your Dick, how likely would it be for you to reach our Gasm if they just completely ignored the head? Now let's transfer that to women, who generally only get a lot of penetrative action in sexual encounters with Hetero men and just completely ignoring the clitterists. That has eight thousand nerve endings there and it does becoming gorge fund sexually aroused. So let's start paying more attention to it. As I kind of alluded to earlier, don't be afraid of toys. If it's better for her, it'll be better for you. If she orgasms, you're going to have a better time to more than likely. Oh, I did. I did want to take a minute here to acknowledge that there is a gap in research when it comes to trans and non binary input.

I've kind of been speaking in very binary terms here. was kind of a mention of bisexual people, but this does ignore Trans and non binary people and I would be very interested to see how their kind of numbers compare and whether they are male to female or female to male or outside of that binary, how that influenced the frequency at which they orgasmed some history also to add would be that his historically, especially since, like the Victorian era, women's orgasms for very much looked down on. They weren't seen as necessary to procreation, which was the big focus of sex in that time. At one point in...

...one of my textbooks it mentioned how women who enjoyed clitoral stimulation or end or could not orgasm by penetration alone were seen as frigid, and we're seen as kind of like broken people. So this orgasm gap is clearly not something that is new, and I would go on to bet that it has improved a lot since like Victorian Times or even in the last few decades. But there is still so clearly so much room for improvement, and that's not necessarily orgasm specifically, but this quest for just better sexual health for everyone is one of my biggest goals for sure, in my sexual health education career path. I...

...just want everyone to feel more comfortable communicating what they want and what they need, being more receptive to partners communication, learning what feels good for everyone and just kind of all of this kind of stuff is kind is a big part of what's brought me towards sexual health education as a career path, as well as to creating this podcast. As I said, I was initially surprised that not everyone had heard of this orgasm gap already in my little polls there, but that really just a firm to me that this is something that I want to continue doing. This is something that's important to me. There is clearly a gap in knowledge and experience with some of these topics. I hope that I have been able to kind of maybe teach you guys something that you didn't...

...know, whether it be this episode or any of the twenty episodes previous to this one. There's not much that I wanted to continue on this specific topic. I think I kind of covered what I wanted. Some suggestions, the statistics, the acknowledgement that trends and non binary people have been largely left out of this conversation, even I would love, Love, love to look into that as a research topic, even just be Trans and non binary or got some experiences. Um. But I would like to thank you guys so much for tuning in again this week and continuing to support me in this endeavor. I really appreciate all of you who give me feedback. If you have feedback, let me know. Shoot it to me. You know I'm super receptive to that. I love to hear what you guys think. This is a...

...shorter episode, but I don't want to ramble on for too much longer. So thank you so much for tuning in have a wonderful week. Tune in for next week's pride month episode as well. If you have any topic ideas that you want to hear about, shoot them to me and, yeah, have a great week. Thanks for tuning in. By.

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