Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 1 year ago

Episode 2: Self Talk

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Some tips, tricks and psych for teaching yourself better, more positive ways to speak to yourself.

Okay, so, as I'm recording this, my first intro just got posted yesterday and I was so anxious and so excited for all of you to start tuning in and I've got such nice feedback. You guys are awesome, so thank you so much. Hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the podcast. With that being said, the first episode, from like the very first episode, actual episode, was on communication. So I would like to kind of say Aguay that into self talk. So can just communication with yourself. Get it. There's a them. Okay. Anyway, so I wanted to start with self talk for the self focused episodes, because it has just it's changed my life in a lot of really good ways, but it is such a journey and it can be kind of hard to start on. So I thought I would give some cool, well, tips and tricks that I've learned and hopefully they can help you with falling in love with yourself. Do So. But that being said, I would like to just point out that you can start with things really small, like you don't have to go from self loving and hating what you look like and everything to live in yourself and know when you're a bad bitch or bad bitch boy, I don't fucking know immediately, like it's not an immediate process. Is going to take a lot of work, so be easy on yourself. One way that I started was I started with things that I already liked about myself. Physical traits are great, but if you're just not loving your looks these days, start with personality traits, or vice versa. If you really love what you look like but you feel kind of bland or depressed or whatever, start with those physical traits that you really like. So, like mine, were constantly pointing out how nice...

...my eyes were or what did ease or my thighs like, just things I already loved about myself, just pointing them out more often, and then I would gradually work up two things that I maybe didn't like so much about myself. For the things I didn't like about myself, I would kind of try to retrain my thinking into being like, oh, I don't like my stomach, to more including it as part of my whole body, being like hey, my stomach may not be flat, it may not be a six back, it may not be whatever, it may not be like that girls over there, but when I put it with myt the rest of my body, type of my thick legs and my chest and everything else. Much how he looks pretty damn good and I love it, even on the kind of bloated, crappy days. So I would definitely recommend doing that. Start with things you already love and then slowly start to like trick your brain into associating those things with things you don't like as much, and you'll start to like those things a little bit more. And with the parts that you don't like about yourself, like as a sud stomach, whatever stomach, legs, cell you light, stretch marks, whatever insecurities you have, I am sure, I am one hundred percent sure, you have seen other people with those same exact traits and you might not have even noticed that they had them. You just thought they were beautiful. They have cellian stretch marks and jiggly arms and whatever, but you would never point that out to them. And they're strangers. So why are you being kinder to a stranger? Then you're being to yourself. That's stranger. They'RE gonna go on with their life whether you think their...

...arms are Chubby or not. So start for giving yourself a little more, because I'm sure that stranger saw you and didn't notice your negatives either. They just thought you're a beautiful person. Do I think you're beautiful person. So boom. And with that, I also like to try and make myself treat myself how I treat my friends, because I idolize my friends. I think they are all beautiful guys, gals, everything there. I have wonderful friends. I have wonderful people in my life that I look up to and they're gorgeous, and I've started to try to teach myself to talk to myself how I talk about them, like I hype out their selfies. I had some up whenn't they're feeling sad, I forgive them when they fuck up, I lift them up when they're feeling sad, or I sit them with them when I'm when they're feeling sad. So I have started retraining my negative thoughts into just projecting them on to a specific friend maybe, or just a friend in general, and being like hey, so if that person looked like this or acted like this or had a bad day or made a mistake, I would be so loving towards them. So I look like this, I'm acting like this, I made this mistake, how about I be loving to myself as well. And that doesn't even just apply to how they look or how they act or when they make mistakes. It also applies to when I'm giving myself a depression day, which I'll probably talk about in a future episode. But when I'm just feeling like garbage, when I'm dealing with some trauma, maybe...

...when it takes me longer to complete a task than I originally wanted to you, or longer to get over something or someone then I wanted to. I would never, ever, ever, I don't know about you guys, but I would never try to rush my friend into getting over a traumatic event in their life. I would sit back, give them enough time, give them as much time as they wanted, let them know that I'm there for them, let them know that one day it will get a little bit better. So why am I so hard on myself when it takes me a while to get over something really, really traumatic or really depressing, or when I'm having a struggle with my depression that I've had for years and I've gotten through this far. So why am I so hard on myself when I would never, ever, ever, rush your friend or even a stranger through those things. I know that trauma takes time. I study psychology. I know that and I've went to therapy a lot of explanations for how and why trauma just sticks in your brain and how it can pop up years later. And I'm sitting here like not me, though, I should be over this. No, I've been working so hard to correct that. You you like Hey, you're on your own journey. That was a shitty thing that happened. It's going to take time and get over but you are so strong. You got through it and you're still getting through it and I'm proud of you self. Like it's it's just morphed my mind completely, like I'm so hard of myself sometimes. There's a lot of you know, and I am just so forgiving of other people and I've really tried to take that forgiveness for other people and kind of push it into forgiveness for myself, and I think that's a really tough but important lesson to learn. But back to more body image, self talk,...

...nigative versus pots up whatever. So I have found that when I am having some negative thoughts, I've tried to focus on them in a way where I catch them when they're happening and I can correct them. So I'll start thinking like Oh, like this, I look trash today, that's outfit's not working. But then I will acknowledge that. I will correct myself and like actually, this outfit might not be working, but that's not my fault. I look amazing. I am amazing. It's these close issue. This outfit, this fitting, the sizing just doesn't work for me, and that's that's okay. I don't have to look good and literally everything, but I mean I look in and a lot so. And yes, sometimes I felt this positive self talk. You will come off conceited and narcissistic. I have had dudes point that out, I've had random people point that out and honestly I just accepted at this point, because I've worked so hard to get to this point of self love, that someone calling me narcissistic for feeling myself or having a Tshirt with my butt on it, that that's not going to touch my confidence anymore. So with the native thinking, when you can either catch it and try to correct it or try and switch it up, or you can do something stupid like saying I don't fuck with you at it. Imagine it as a person say I don't fuck with you, get out. Just do whatever you got to do to switch up on that negative thought or, if you can't, switch out, completely out of condition to it. Like my big thing with this podcast and listening back to all my recordings has been like, Oh my God, I hate the sound of my own voice at this point, but the one thing that I switched it up to yesterday when I...

...was really, really anxious about the introduction coming out, was you, Hey, I might hate my voice and recordings, other people probably won't, but whatever I do, you let's say. But what I love is the message that I'm trying to get out there. So I'm going to keep doing this. I will try to work up to loving hearing my own voice on recordings. I may never get there all work on it, though, but in the meantime I love what this voice is giving to me and the platform that I can share on. So I'm going to accept and love it. And saying that you should just think more positively about yourself and like, Love Your Body, love who you are, everything. It sounds really easy, but it's it's not. We all know it's not. In today's world, we compare to each other. We just have these unrealistic standards, these photoshop whatever, but that's not to say that you can't do it. In the beginning of when I was doing all this, started on this journey for myself, I was faking it so hard for a while and that was necessary. Like fake it till you make it. Some people shit on some people love it. It's where it worked for me in the start. It's not something you want to live by. You can't constantly fake it, but if you're just faking a little step here and there, I don't see a problem with it if it helps reaching genuine love for yourself. Um, complimenting your off out loud. It sounds ridiculous. I do it all the time. They'll I look in the mirror and whatever outfit them in. I hte myself up. I say it verbally, saying things verbally, hearing them. Maybe record yourself saying them. As ridiculous as that sounds, it different triggers different parts of...

...your memory and different parts of your brain than just thinking it. It helps to solidify it in your memory so it'll be easier to recall. Same with like reading, writing, teaching. These are good study tips also, but it works for positive self talk as well and these compliments. And as you start complimenting yourself more, you'll start hearing it more, you'll want to say it more because it triggers all that dope comine and stuff, and it's going to be easier to compliment yourself because you're getting so used to it and it's just becoming normal. If you're not at the point where you can say it out loud yourself, because that just feels ridiculous, or maybe you have roommates or family members that can hear you and you just aren't quite there yet, make a list. Just start listing things that are amazing about yourself. I have some in my phone, I have some of my notebooks. I start out with really general traits, or I started out with really general traits, like Hey, I'm funny, I'm caring, I'm really smart, like I'm crushed in this I'm independent and I may fumble around sometimes and then might be what I'm known for by some people, but you know what I get there. I might be depressed a lot of the time or some of the time, but look how long I've been depressed and I'm still kicking ass and I just I write all the stuff down. I love my hair, I love my eyes, I love my body, I love what my body does for me. I'm a kick ass woman, I'm so strong, I've gone through so much and I just write it all down and it's so cathartic and you can just look at those things when you're maybe not feeling yourself as much as a reminder. Super Helpful, having that visual aid so with once you've complimented yourself, or if you're still working on complimenting yourself. I'm going to talk...

...about when others compliment you. So I grew up always being the shy, quiet, deflecting one. When some more and say hey, you're really pretty, I'd be like, oh no, like, no way, you're pretty. Thanks, though, like I'm you're a goddess. I am not saying whatever I have. It's actually been kind of hard, but the past couple years, when people give me a compliment, I've stopped saying I'm not whatever they think I am and just accepting it, saying thank you, saying things. That's been something I've been working on and just like I just have stopped telling people I'm not pretty when they tell me I'm pretty and yeah, I have had people told me I'm conceited for that too, and they're like Oh, you're so pretty and I'm like things right, and they do the whole Oh so you agree, really pretty thing, like Yep, I do. I'm sure that might get them in their pants, but whatever I'm feeling myself, I'm accepting it. Also, along the same lines as that, if you post a Selfie, if you're doing your makeup, if you're doing a workout, if you're posting a new outfit or whatever, stop with the excuse the brows, excuse the acne. Ignore this about me, ignore this about me. Stop It. It's so self destructive and so subtle. Like if I post a Selfie, I'd never do my brows. A lot of my friends know that I have thick brows. I don't keep up with waxing them or anything. Do it like once a year maybe, but I have stopped posting makeup selfies and groups with like I've well, I post them still, I've stopped including ignore the brows in my self. He's because, a, they probably didn't even really look at your brows, or long enough for them...

...to point it out and be like MMM, damn, that girl's brows or even if they did, who fucking cares? Are Stranger on the Internet. They don't need to be pointed out or told to be ignored. They yeah, I said, people probably didn't notice them. They and these things don't detract from your beauty. They are part of who you are. Your Browser Act me your scars. Have a few of those now, but I don't apologize for them anymore, and that in itself has been really empowering and really, really helpful to me. And speaking of pictures, take them all the time. Take as many as you want, play with, pose with, playmouth lighting. I have started taking a selfie anytime I'm feeling cute or just overly happy, whether I'm wearing makeup or not, whether I'm big, had a couple drinks, just having a good day, if more mismatched underwear and Bra, if I'm wearing a super cute dress, I take a selfie because I just feel so happy and content in that moment that when I look back on those selfies when I'm maybe not in that moment, it also triggers the same emotions in you. Maybe not as strong, but when we look at memories we remember how we felt. So if you're taking a selfie every time you're happy, every time you're feeling good, and you look back on those photos, you're going to it's going to trigger that memory, it's going to trigger that job woman's maybe not as much as the when you would originally took it, but it's gonna trigger those little nice little feelings for you in a little warm fuzzies, and I found well doing this. I've been taking them more and more often, which feels like such a huge accomplishment because I'm just feeling cute and feeling happy so much more often that I just have all these cute as fuck selfies now. Well, or more makeup Bord, feel less...

...like feeling like a boss Bitch, looking like a boss bitch or not. Another thing with the writing list of positive trace. The other thing I wanted to add was you could write a love letter to your past, present or future self, or maybe all three. Maybe forgive your past self, encourage that past self that things are going to get better, that you're going to accept it, encourage your future self, give a little love note to them. Just it's gonna feel silly, but I'd really recommend doing these things. Also, one huge thing that I wanted to do is to say was stop telling yourself you should be further along in life than you are. I'm really bad for this. I'm twenty six years old and just finally got back into my bea a couple years ago after not doing anything school related for five years and just being in a really bad place mentally. I've had to really work a lot to forgive my self for taking that time, because I needed to. My mental health was really bad. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I needed that time to figure it out and get to where I am today in order to be able to continue this education and be now so close to finishing what I'm want to do and getting so close to the career I want to have. And maybe my maybe my relationship life, isn't where it's expected to be at the age of twenty six ball honestly, I'm living my life. I've worked so much on myself and that's something to be proud of. One little headed note with the negatives, positive self talk all that this whole scenario is. I would invite you and challenge you to PA law of yourself now this. I don't know how many people have loves pretty pretty well known. But if you don't know who PA LAW IS, here's a...

...psychologist back in the day who conditioned dogs behaviors to the point where they got fed every time a bell ring. So then they got to the point where if the bell ring, they salivated. You can do this with pretty much anyone and anything. Take that, don't don't get too crazy with it. You can PAF love yourself whenever you're doing something good, accomplishing something that you you have really set to do, reward yourself. Reward yourself or if you're having a struggle still, like I said earlier, try to relate the bad things to better things and kind of condition yourself into feeling the positive emotions when it comes to the negative thing, like I talked about the relating stomach to the body as a whole. If I see my stomach as just my stomach, I might not be super happy, but if I see my stomach as a part of my curvey as self, then I'm gonna think a lot more positively about my stomach on its own as well. So thank you again for tuning in to sex, love and psych this episode one a little bit longer, but I could probably talk for years about just positive self love and all that, and I will I'll include future episodes more on it. I have a few guests in mind that I really look up to as well. But anyway, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope some of these tips and tricks helped start. It's all over the place, but if you know me, you know that's just how I how I am, so that's probably how this whole podcast is going to be. Thanks so much for tuning in and for bearing with me as I figure all this stuff out, and I guess I will chat with you next week. Have a wonderful weekend, guys.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (41)