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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 11 months ago

Episode 19: Sex and Gender Identities

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

June 1 kicks off pride month, so here is an explanation of what the letters in LGBTQIA+ stand for and some info on what the people in these communities want you to understand!

Hello and welcome back to sex, love and psych for this week's episode on Sex and gender identities, I figured today would be a great day to cover the all the identities under the rainbow, will not all of them, but a good majority of them, to prepare all of us for pride months, which starts tomorrow. Happy Pride everybody. This I'm hoping kind of give some information to those who maybe are heterosexual or assigned us the gender they were as signed at birth, or identify as the gender they were assigned at birth, or just don't maybe know about all of these identities. I figured we could do a little basic review of the letters of Lgbtqi a plus and go over some of the input I got from my snap, facebook and instagram families of what people in these communities want other people to know one better understand. So there are a lot of variations of the acronym but, as I said, I'll be going with the Lgbtqi a plus today. I acknowledge there are a lot more variations, longer options that have more letters. I just I'm going to use this for sake of fitting it all into one podcast episode and for the fact that I acknowledge that I don't know about every single other identity. I'm gonna cover the ones that I have learned about and we can grow from there. So l the LGBT. A lot of people will already know, but I would like to go over them anyway. L Lesbian woman, loving woman. There is some inclusion of non binary people. It depends on the individuals preference. I'll get into non binary later, but I just wanted to...

...mention that. A lot of lesbians can also include this. Not all of them do. Same with gay, which is the G man, loving man, there's some NB inclusion there as well. Be for bisexual, traditionally meant attracted to men and women, but we have seen a lot of growth and a lot of changes in gender identities and a lot more identities are popping up, so this is kind of changed as well. In some people's mind it can also mean attracted to more than one gender, or being attracted to the same gender as you identify and others being the one and two. there. There's a lot of variation there. I did also want to mention Pan, even though P is not in the acronym that I chose. I it is a valid and important identity and I wanted to throw it in with bisexual because there's some crossover and a general lot of confusion. P is the Pan Sexual. It's part of the plus and this acronym. I have seen pan as described as loving all genders and I've also seen it described as loving or being sexually attracted to someone regardless of gender, so genderism even a factor in their attraction to a person. Moving on from there to the tea, which is Trans Gender. It used to be transsexual, but we have moved beyond transsexual because that felt invalidating to a lot of people and kind of push the narrative that you have to be fully medically and surgically transitioned and ordered for you to be Trans and have that identity be valid. We're moving beyond that. It's...

...transgender at this point. It's generally someone who identifies as a gender other than the gender they were assigned at birth. I have also seen now in binary put under this umbrella. Not all on non binary people will identify with that, but I did want include it because I have seen n be people that identify as part of the Trans Umbrella. Non Binary is generally those people that are identifying as they them or some variation of like she, that, she, they or he. They in that general area where they don't fully fit into a male or female identity, like they don't want to. Well, they don't feel like they prescribe or fit into that binary nature that we have gendered the world in. So Q is has a couple different identities in here, the first one being queer. It can meet. Queer can mean a lot of different things. You can be queer sexually or queer like gender fluid is another variation of Queer. It can meet. It's generally person who identifies outside of heterosexual or SIS gender. It can be one or the other. It can be both, like gender clear or queer in general. Sometimes people don't identify with a different letter of the alphabet, so they just go with queer. Just perfectly valid. It is a reclaimed word that was used as a derogatory slur against people who are not heterosexual and it has been worked into including being included in this kind of rainbow of identities. Qui, sorry, you can also mean questioning, which represents those who are questioning their sex and...

...gender identity or sex or gender identity and haven't quite decided on the label. Don't really know where they fit in yet, but that is a perfectly again, valid process that a lot of people go to and this kind of releases some of that pressure to throw a label on as soon as they kind of start to try and figure it out. The eye is intersects born with ambiguous sex organs, that you can have different internal and external organs. These kind of people can also have either really small penises or very large clitterses or some ambiguous makeup of the biological sex organs. Will call them. About one person of maybes born in the US are born intersects. There is if you wanted to look up some videos on youtube and stuff, there's a lot of great resources of intersect people finally speaking up, because a lot of these people weren't aware that they were intersects until they are adults. They're having issues, they find out they have a uterus, or they find out they presenting, been presenting as a woman but they're sterile because their internal organs are not fully developed. Just a lot of stuff like that and they don't know about this because when they are babies, doctors inform their parents that it is generally medically necessary. One not even medically necessary. It is something they need to have some sort of surgery to better fit into the binary category that the doctors and parents pick out. Basically, there's a lot of intersect people who are trying to rise up and fight against that, because these surgeries are not medically necessary. They are just for appearances sake, basically, and obviously the baby doesn't have...

...any stay and they are not informed until much, much later in life, sometimes never finding out. So this is a really big thing that I wanted to touch on. With intersects, the A, as well as the Q, also has a couple different variations of what they a can stand for. So the a can stand for a sexual which is a lack of sexual attraction or absence of sexual attraction or interest in sexual activity. They kind of identifies not having a sexual orientation. A can also stand to represent allies who are Hetero and SIS gender also. I'm not sure if I mentioned what sus gender means, but it is just identifying as the gender you you were assigned up, so you're born with woman parts, you were assigned being a female who identify as a female. That's this gender. But A, back to alle its, represents those people who are had our own sists, but they support those who aren't. They support the other members of the lgbdqia plus communities. Some of the many identities in the that are included in the plus, one big one that I wanted to mention is too spirit, which is an indigenous identification of a an indigenous person who identifies with both masculine and female spirits within them. This it was not always called to spirit. That's a generally fairly new phrase, but they have been around in indigenous and native American tribes since before colonization, and these members of tribes were actually most often really highly respected...

...in their peap positions and seen as blessed with both the masculine and female feminine spirit and were often like Shamans and healers. But when the colonizers and the European Christians came over, they deemed this as outside of what is decent and outside of their binary nature, and a lot of them were murdered for being too spirit because they didn't they wouldn't fit into one of the categories assigned by European Christians. Another identity in the plus is like demisexual, which you kind of have to have some emotional connection before being able to have a sexual attraction or connection and there are a lot of other identities involved in the plus I am not as comfortable speaking on them because I am not as well informed on them. It is not to say that they are not valid, but I don't think I am an authority to speak on them because I am not yet as educated on them. So I want to acknowledge that they exist, but I am not the person to talk about it. But I invite you to do a lot of your own research, talk to a lot more people of those identities and just be open to that conversation. So next I wanted to jump into what my facebook's and have jet and instagram friends want people to know. So with this I posted it on my facebook and instagram stories. I Pope made a snapchat story and I also made a post in a facebook group that I'm on that is made up of women or Non Binary or trans identifying people who are more feminine leaning in general, but nonbinary is included in a lot of it. So yeah, that's where I'm getting all of this from. So I wanted to dig right in. One that I got a few...

...times was that being in a strait appearing relationship doesn't negate someone's bisexuality and choosing the life partner does not mean that they picked a side. So someone can be bisexual and in a monogamous relationship with the person of an opposite gender without being straight, and they can be bisexual and being in a monogamous relationship with a person of the same gender without being gay or lesbian. BISEXUALITY is not negated by the relationship they're in. Another point that I really wanted to include that someone said is you will gain a lot more friends than you lose when you decide to live out and who as who you are. There's going to be probably some people who don't respect your gender sexuality and they might leave and that's going to be really, really hard, but you're also going to gain a lot more friends by being who you are genuinely and finding like minded people. I talked a lot about sexual aspect, like sexuality, but there's also a romant romantic spectrum. It's not just about the sexual attraction. You can be a romantically attracted to none, some or all genders and that doesn't have to match who you are sexually attracted to. The person that commented this discussed how they were a romantic. They don't really have romantic attraction to anybody, but they can't remember their sexual identity, so I'm not going to go into that. But they are sexually attracted to people without being romantically attracted to them. So that is absolutely valid. And there's a romantic spectrum as well. You can be a romantic demi, romantic, Hedero, romantic whatever, any of that. You can kind of throw it in together. Another point was gender identity and expression. Don't have to be completely rogynous to be non binary.

If someone done says they don't identify as a woman, they can still have feminine features and pointing out, well, you have such a perfect woman's body is it's going to feel really invalidating to them and it's not the compliment you think it is. If they don't identify with the want as a woman and they don't identify with that Feminine Identity and you just go out and point their physical features that kind of fit into that female binary part portion, it's not going to be a compliment. They're not going to feel good about it. Just let them identify as whoever they want to identify as. And if you don't know, and you can definitely ask and once they've told you, do your best. Respect that Trans people just want to be able to live of their lives and they don't owe anyone medical transitions and surgeries. There are plenty of reasons that someone may not be able to go on hormone replacement therapy or there there may be a lot of reasons why they don't want, or can't afford or can't medically handle a top or bottom surgery, and that doesn't invalidate them being a transgender person. Just because they have medical issues that stop them from being able to handle hormone replacement therapy or these surgeries doesn't make them less of a trance person. Imposter Syndrome is real. This was another point that was made with Trans Identities nonbinary identities. I see it a lot in bisexuals to where you've chosen an identity that you feel fits best for you, but then you're constantly questioning it, being like Oh, Al am, I really bisexual, I'm not just doing it for attention, and then you're like why would I do that for atension? Or I haven't been on any dates...

...with women. Maybe I'm not bisexual, maybe I just think they're pretty blah, blah blah. Imposter Syndrome is very, very real, HMM, and it's it's a completely normal part of the process. So if that's something you're experiencing, don't feel like you're the only one in the world to experience is it. It's very normal. It's a very valid process. Another one in regards to buy women, because a lot of my audience is women, a lot of my friends are women. A by woman being allowed by her male partner to only sleep with women because he doesn't think she'll leave her for a woman woman, or only if he can watch or if he just doesn't feel as threatened by women can be can feel very fetishizing and invalidating to a by woman's sexual identity as a kind of just puts it in a little box and doesn't really respect their attraction to women as equal to their attraction to men. There might be some by women who, in the context of a head of like straight passing relationship with the man, they may only want to sleep with women outside of the relationship, but that's a conversation to be had by both of them and the conditions put on when it's with by the other person being only okay with them. Sleeping with women is the part that's invalidating. If you aren't comfortable with your partner sleeping with other people, than monogamy probably isn't for you. But that's a conversation. OR MONOGAMY PARLAY isn't for them if they want to, but that's a conversation that needs to be had and giving that little window of Kay, you can only sleep with women only if I can watch it can feel very valid, invalidating and fetishizing. So just be careful what that have, those conversations being. Buying Pan doesn't immediately mean you...

...can't be faithful in a monogamous relationship. Not Every by person is going to be interested in sleeping with people outside of the person that they are with. Same with Pan People. Pan does not automatically equal polyot amorous. It can, but that it's not an automatic pairing. So the idea that a lot of even lesbians or straight people or gay people won't date a pan person because will they're just going to cheat on me with people who aren't my gender identity. That's very biphobic and Panphobic and it's just not realistic. By and pain people can be in monogamous relationships if they are the type who want to be in monogamous relationships. Also, another point that was made was being trans doesn't mean the person has to be hyper masculine or hyper feminine in order for their identity to be valid. A Trans woman doesn't always have to be in dresses and skirts. I'm not always in dresses and skirts and people don't try and invalid invalidate me as a woman. So let's stop invalidating people's identities based on what they wear or their makeup or how they express that identity. You can be friend, this is another one. You can be friends with the gender or genders you're attracted to without being romantically and sexually attracted to them. Hetero people can be friends with the opposite gender. Non Hetero people can be friends with the gender they are attracted to platonically. It's a really solid point. Thank you to my friend who made that. And one final point that I wanted to kind of include, that was given to me by another friend of mine, was that labeling or identifying yourself under any of these titles or identifiers, whatever letters, doesn't make you some weird alien. Normal isn't real and...

...sister gender and Hetero isn't the default. They are just different identities that a lot more people have. But that doesn't make you abnormal by identifying as someone in the LGBTQI plus community. So I wanted to say happy pride month. It starts tomorrow. I also wanted to say that I am part of this community. I am the bee here. I am attracted to more than one gender. So haven't said that out loud to everyone yet, but a lot of people already know, so I figured I would just throw it in here. Happy Pride everybody. I hope you have a great week and start to a wonderful pride month. Thank you so much for tuning in again by.

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