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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 1 year ago

Episode 17: Predatory Grooming Behaviors

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

A summary of what grooming behaviors look like, who they can effect, and what we should do going forward. TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF CHILD SEX ABUSE AND SEX TRAFFICKING.

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Sex, love and psych just some kind of housekeeping things I wanted to get out of the way for anyone who hasn't seen my facebook or instagram posts. Monday will be the new release day of new episodes for this podcast. I will be keeping it weekly, as I believe everyone who voted on that one said that they would prefer it to stay weekly, so I will be keeping it that, but I will be shooting to release it Monday's at five instead of set instead of Fridays at five. I think this will give me more time to really put effort into producing these episodes, as I'm generally more busy during the week and usually have weekends a bit more of a free time. This week I've been playing catch up, so I'm still a little bit behind, but I think this will allow me a lot more time to focus on the podcast going forward, and I think it'll also keep it fresher in your guys's minds as you're driving from home from work during the week or just kind of digging into that Selfcare podcast listening time during the week and enjoying your weekends to yourself. With that being said, two days episode, I did want to provide a bit of a trigger warning. There is going to be mentioned of child sexual assault, sexual abuse. That's kind of the general outcome of a lot of these grooming behaviors. There will be talked about sex trafficking. So these are really tough topics and I acknowledge that not everybody is at a point in their lives where they are able to hear these and have it not trigger them. So I just wanted to lay that out first and allow you to click off of this episode, maybe go listen to a different episode or move on with your day if that...

...is if this is more of a triggering topic for you, you can always return to it when you're at a different headspace, but I will be super understanding if this is one that you don't want to listen to. So with that being said, I wanted to die fright in and start with the definition of grooming on my poles. I had a couple people who asked for me to elaborate a little bit on it before they made their vote, as it wasn't something that they had necessarily heard of or phrase that they had heard used. So when I just typed in a quick thing for Google, I got a base definition of grooming is when someone built a relationship was a child or young person's so that they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. This is a really good start to a definition, but I feel like there were a couple things missing. So a couple things I would like to add on are that an adult can also be a victim target of grooming and that it isn't always about age and exploding a young person, but it can also tend to be a power dynamic, even if two people are the same age or if the groomer is even younger than the person that they are grooming. These there's a lot of variation and there's a lot of just things to look out for. Anyone can groom, anyone can be groomed, so I just didn't want to pigeonhold this into an adult grooming a young child. With that being said, I did want to dive into a few different examples and kind of types of grooming situations, I guess, and the first one that I wanted to cover is that chat is that a child sexual abuse case situation, scenario kind of thing. It's probably the most well known, but I do find that...

...a lot of people still haven't heard of it. They still aren't really aware of the process that can lead up to child sexual abuse, that is grooming. I'm going to provide some guidance and explanation, but child sexual abuse isn't the entire purview of this episode. So I did want to direct anyone from who wants more information about child sexual rooming to the little warriors prevent it workshop if you want a deeper look and more background on what it is and how to deal with it. But with that going forward, some examples of things a groom or would start with would be wanting to spend a lot of time alone with the child, casually mentioning Sex and sex related topics beyond what's in age appropriate for a child to them, encouraging the child to keep s secrets with them, and all of these are generally largely fairly innocent at first. But that's kind of where the danger comes in. It's a gradual process of building that relationship and trust to then later manipulate, exploit and abuse them. So yeah, as a said, starts innocent, building the relationship, the trust and eventually convincing them that the sexual acts performed are just like fun their playtime. They're okay, it should be their little secret because they have all of these other little secrets. What someone more, children are taught from a very young age it's kind of a survival tactic. You Trust adults, you trust your parents, you trust the people that say that they're taking care of you. So at a young age, all of these things that have built a relationship and trust, it seems like not a far jump and they are...

...told to trust what the adult is telling them. So they wind up eventually performing these sexual acts and it's not always as violent and forceful as some media and stuff would make it out to be. That is the case sometimes, but a lot of the time it's this gradual built the reminder that I wanted to toss in here is that somewhere but around the ninety two, Ninety five percent of child sexual beast cases are from an aggressor that they know, like a parent, a family friend, an extended family member, like most of the most child sexual be cases are from these people that they know. So really being aware of the relationships that they have with these people, it's going to be a big deal to help avoid this kind of behavior and to catch it at its early stages make sure your child has that age appropriate knowledge of sex and body parts that we discussed in my episode a few weeks ago on the paper that I wrote. Oh, also just on that. If you did want to read that, I can provide you a link. It is now been published. But going forward with the grooming, make sure they have that knowledge. Make sure to encourage dialog between you and them and instill that like little, small surprises like birthday gifts and stuff, are okay, but an adult making them keep a secret from you as their parent is not and, while doing this, creating an environment that they feel safe to communicate in. You can say that Hey, just tell me everything all the time, but unless they feel comfortable and safe and like they're not going to get in trouble for talking to you, they probably won't. So you just want to create that open dialog. Make sure you know you can pop it in whenever...

...they're hanging out with other adults without supervision, that kind of thing. The little worries program has wonderful advice on how to handle any disclosures that they make, even if you are not their parent. If a child discloses this kind of information to you, they have a lot of great suggestions and steps to take. That again, I'm not going to get super into but their program is donation based, super easy. It took me a couple hours, I want to say, and tons and tons of valuable information. So, moving on from the child sexual abuse from an adult in their life, I wanted to touch on the grooming of teenagers because this is very important to me. It is something that I've experienced the beginnings of. Looking back at my teenagerdom and getting out of being a teenager, I have looked back and recognize some of these behaviors. It would did never led to the extent of like the sexual abuse and sexual relationship, but I did want to give some advice on recognizing those early stages for you yourself and kind of being able to move past them. So the grooming of teenagers is much less known as grooming and is sometimes even encouraged in society today. In media and movies it's kind of seem more as a joke. The idea of that university boyfriend or the older mom mill like getting close to a high schooler, building that relationship with them then, as soon as they're legal, their relationship ton sexual. This can look like the Oh you're so mature for your age. Oh girls my age just don't understand me, but you're so mature, you're not like other sixteen, seventeen year old that kind of thing, or like the mill sleeping with their...

...son's friends making them a man. The I get older, but they stay the same age mentality. Hounding a high schooler for nudes and just convincing them that it's not that big of a deal when they are in that early stages of their sexual development and sexual relationship. Still a lot of this can groom them into a later sexual relationship. A lot of the time it's just the general wearing down of boundaries and maybe hesitation in the high schooler in these situations. Not always high schooler, but that's what we're going with. And the slow introduction to sexual acts so it could start, which is like making comments about their body, hounding them for Nudes, just impeding any physical boundaries they have if they don't like a lot of physical contact, like forcing them into hugs and just uncomfortable like situations there that they're uncomfortable with, but slowly wearing them down to gradually escalate that behavior. In these cases, unlike the child sexual abuse cases. It's not illegal, as they generally, for the most part, reach the age of consent before any suck acts happen, but it is very predatory and, in my opinion, very gross. So just like, let's keep that in mind. It can seem harmless, but with the power dynamic and the early stages of their sexual relationships, it can lead to a myriad of personal development issues and just a very distorted view of sex and power and all of that kind of thing, those kind of things. So if you're a DODS S or I fear that, or if your mom, just be aware of the other dudes in your s and the other maybe cougar...

...mill moms that are kind of just like hitting on those high schoolers. Still, maybe try and hold them accountable for those actions. You know, do what you got to do, but keep an eye on it. Encourage any teens that you have in your life to be aware of these situations and learn more about grooming so that they can maybe distance themselves from those people before it escalates. The third kind of background scenario context that I wanted to talk about was kind of this element of the Hollywood power dynamic, as well as sex trafficking industry. I wanted to pair these two things together because there's obviously, as we've learned, a lot of over lap. I haven't watched the upstne documentaries because, as a very empathetic individual, I can only handle so much of this kind of content, as I'm sure a lot of you guys have as well. But there's that overlap of sex trafficking and the Hollywood industry. It can also be in office jobs or more regular person jobs, I guess, as well. But in these scenarios the victim who can be a male or a female. Not all sex trafficking victims are female. There promised a new job, a new role, a new life, maybe somewhere else, in a different country, maybe just in their career that they've chosen, but they're told that in order to earn these new accolades and rolls and stuff, they must just put up with inappropriate attention from those in positions above them, like CEOS, directors, that kind of thing, like it just kind of comes with being a celebrity or comes with being I don't know what other kind...

...of context to use here, but you kind of get the vibe that I'm going with. With they're just kind of toiled to shrug it off and just put up with the more mild inappropriate behaviors or, as it escalates, they must earn these new roles and careers and new lives, as is the portion of the sex trafficking in a new country. They have to earn these things by committing sexual access payment or to pay off debts or just to advance. They are told that there's no other way to advance and get these benefits without putting up with just going forward with these sexual acts. Most of these cases, also I wanted to mention, result in a victim blaming attitude from society. I see it a lot, unfortunately, with a lot of the Hollywood cases of actresses coming out years later and actors as well, coming out years later against people like Harvey Weinstein and other directors and stuff, and I see a lot of the comments made being like well, they still took the role, they still did it. They were an adult, they can make their own decisions. They didn't seem to mind the sexual attention when they when their paycheck came. They're still making thousands or millions of dollars. So I don't feel bad for them because that was a decision they made as an adult. This has always sat really wrong with me, but I couldn't necessarily put it into words earlier. But it's it's so wrong with me because they are told from the start of their careers that they have to put up with the sexual harassment and sexual abuse in order to advance as like a celebrity in Hollywood. Let's say, and I'm sure that the first role they took and the first...

...thing that they had to put up with was not sleeping with a director, but just the small sexual advancements that eventually wore them down to eventually just putting up with or going ahead with the sexual acts in order to advance their careers, so they could maybe just move on pass this job and forget about it once they have kind of made themselves and once they reach a certain degree of celebrity or a certain achievement, then maybe they won't have to put it up with it anymore and they just won't have to think about it. This is reminiscent of a facebook post that I've seen that said something along the lines of why do we say she slipped her way to the top and ignore the boss who took sex's payment for advancement rather than rewarding hard work. Like why are we blaming the person who is told that this is the only way to achieve what they need to achieve to live the life that they want, and not putting any blame on the environment and the people that make this possible and make this such a dominant school of thought? We need to start shifting our attention to the more earlier stages of grooming and sexual harassment in the workplace and that kind of scenario and the oversexualization of barely their teammate, like barely legal teenagers, and all of this, like the barely legal teenagers, was kind of mentioned in my porn industry one which, again, this all applies to the porn industry as well. A lot of the actors and actresses there were told, or they started add very gradual, less extreme versions of what they eventually...

...were made to do, and let's start bringing attention to those early stages so maybe we don't get as many cases of advanced sexualists abuse that people don't even realize was abuse until years later. Let's stop it before that one thousand sixteen seventeen year old gets super what they think is in love with that university boyfriend or girlfriend or mom of their friends. Let's stop it there, before it reaches the at like the sexual involvement with these people that are exploiting a system that puts them in a power dynamic above the people that they are manipulating into these acts of exploitation and sex. So I hope this was a great summary for your introduction to grooming, to for those of you that haven't necessarily heard as much of about it. As always, I would love to have these conversations with you most of the time. Some days I need a day off, but if this is a topic that you want to reach out about or you would like more resources on, I can absolutely send those to you. Again, just wanted to replug that the little warriors prevent it program. It's very easy to find on their website, very easy to take. Takes a couple hours. Do it by donation. I'd think I donated like twenty five dollars, but you can do ten, you can do however much you can afford. They seem to be a really great program that I'm still kind of learning about. That was suggested to me by one of my friends and I think they're really worth looking into and, as always, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope this new Monday date works for more of you and we can really create some conversation and discussion surrounding some of these topics that...

...maybe aren't brought to light as often. Thank you so much. Have a great week. Okay. By.

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