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Sex, Love, And Psych
Sex, Love, And Psych

Episode · 1 year ago

Episode 16: Toxic Masculinity and Misandry

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

A look at how gendering traits and enforcing some of these ideals on young children to such extremes can be incredibly damaging to themselves and others.

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Sex, love and psych today we are going to be discussing toxic masculinity and, like, toxic femininity or feminism, also known as Massandrei, which isn't true feminism, but we'll get into it. Thanks so much for tuning in. I hope you had a great week and you're all staying saying I'm going a little crazy, but we'll get there. So, jumping into it, first off, I wanted to start with the idea of the strangeness of Gendering Traits such as strength, compassion, empathy, feeling emotions. These are all very weird things to assign to one gender. Being hard working, please, can go either gender. But for the sake of discussing toxic masculinity and Miss Andre we are going to discuss more traditionally assigned traits of these genders and move beyond there. So even when we look at this traditional gendering of traits, toxic masculinity, the phrase is not saying that all traditionally masculine traits are inherently toxic. I have seen this argument on facebook and Tick Tock and social media everywhere where. People, generally men, see the phrase toxic masculinity and they say, Oh, it's just a war on being manly, we can't have manly men anymore, and that's simply not the case. That's not what toxic masculinity at its course discussing, but rather a lot of the ideas that are pushed to such extremes on young boys they can lead to later behaviors that are toxic to their own well being and to the others around them. So what are some of these examples of toxic masculine traits? Not just traditionally masculine. So some toxic masculinity type...

...extremes are like real men don't cry, men aren't sensitive, they can experience extreme emotions of anything other than anchor. Men need to be physically strong and able to assert their dominance the phreezes, kind of like men have needs. Men have these animal instincts that they just have to act on, and it's not their fault because we're all just animals. The first boys will be boys, not in general of just being kind of sillier doing reckless things, but when they're in reference to fighting or harassing girls. Like the phrase boys will be boys gets kind of toxic when pushed to those extremes. These ideas are harmful for the boys own mental health and can also result in dangerous mindsets in their future and how they relate to others and how they relate to their own emotions. So teaching young boys to channel any of their negativity and to anger aggression with that whole boys don't cry, suck it up, that kind of thing, or putting them in just like more combative or aggressive past, not like hobbies and sports and kind of stuff. Those are inherently bad. But when they don't know how to process their emotions and they're told they can't cry and they should just go cud show all about it, that's gonna turn into anger and aggression. They can result in really short tempers and using violence as a fix. All as adults, not teaching them to allow themselves to feel sad or talk about their emotions and admit they have problems can leave them emotionally stunted and suffering in silence, resulting in an astronomically high suicide rate. These stats that I have seen show men have a higher suicide rate and women have...

...more attempts, because men choose methods of suicide that are more final they're more aggressive, like shooting themselves and that kind of stuff. So this is a problem that we often ignore and it's due to this whole idea of men have to be manly and then can't feel emotions because apparently extreme joy or sadness aren't manly things. Excusing their bad behavior as young kids with boys will be boys leads to not being held accountable for their actions and teaching them to just bully or manipulate girls or later women, until they get what they want. So this is going to be extremely, extremely toxic. The dudes at the bar teaching young girls that they have to cover up, they have to just ignore it. This is kind of all builts to that toxic masculinity trait of just shrugging off any male behavior as just boys will be boys. Boys have needs, like the whole cheating on someone, because men have needs. Men have sexual needs and if I'm not getting sucked from you, I'll just go get it from somewhere else because me, cave man and me need sex. This is just enabling boys and men to not be held accountable for their actions and not be grown adults who have control over what they do and how they act and kind of who they are, and that all like also brings back into the real boys don't cry like real guys don't cry emotionally. Stunting them at such a young age results in a lot of pent up anger. They don't know house to process things. So toxic masculinity isn't wanting to be a protector of a woman or holding a door or wanting to be the breadwinner, because there's room for that for some people. It's not going to apply to every...

...situation and we shouldn't teach boys that that's the only option. But if that's the lifestyle you want, there's gonna be partners out there for you that are going to want similar things, and if that is communicated and dealt with in a healthy way, then it's not a toxic masculinity issue. That toxic masculinity comes in when we're talking about not being able to process emotions and leading to a lot of this aggression and violence. As answers to anything like the murder stats. More women are murdered, but even the men who are being murdered are being murdered or beat up or sexually assaulted by other men. So that's where this toxic masculinity comes in. I'm not saying all men are bad and all men are toxic. A lot of the Times I will say that kind of as a joke, but that's obviously not the case. It's this whole city system that's rigged to build boys into aggressive, emotionally inept people who are just always going after what their animal instincts to them that they need, no matter who says water who tells them No. Toxic masculinity can also lead to a lot of homophobia, automatically attributing any seemingly flamboyant or to traditionally feminine behavior to being gay and placing that person, since they're gay, as loss of a man and not worthy of a respect. This is problematic because flamboyant is fine, feminine traits are fine. They do not equal being gay. But being gay is also fine and there are traditionally like more hyper masculine gay men that exist. So this just toxic trait and truck toxic attribute a tribute.

Attribution of these masculine traits to young boys harms their own mental health. It makes them more dangerous to future partners because they feel aggression and yelling and punching walls and possibly hitting the other person are the only ways that they can express their discomfort. It can result in home momophobia internalized for people who are homosexual, or even for those who are straight, it can result in a lot of this homophobia. So on the other side, since I'm not just going to talk about masculinity and hate men and all that, but say going into that comes massandry, which is kind of the opposite side of the coin and kind of actually winds up feeding into this toxic masculinity. So it is often confused with feminism and they're kind of lumped together a lot and I think that's actually winds up diminishing actual feminist because actual feminism in its true form is intersectional. It reaches for quality for men, women, trends, Intersex, lgbtqia people, people of all races and genders. It fights to remove the oppression that patriarchy places on everybody, not just white women, although there have been some stages of early feminism that were more focused on white women. More modern feminism is more inclusive and intersectional and acknowledges that this Patriarchy also oppresses the men. So where massandry comes in in, it could also be labeled as like toxic feminism or toxic femininity, and it's often portrayed as this real feminism,...

...but that's Massandrei is more the contempt or hatred or ingreing to prejudice against men just for being men. Although a lot of women, like I kind of stated, will be frustrated with men and the Patriarchy in general and generalize like kill all men as a more attention grabbing phrase, true feminists will like will just acknowledge that that's just a catch all phrase to grab attention, where massanderists will just like hate all men actually just for being men, and a lot of that feeds into that toxic masculinity where they see the toxic masculinity apply it to everyone and in turn it kind of cycles through and makes more toxic masculinity because it just gives the toxic men more ammunition against feminism and against women. So it's kind of actually counteractive. This kind of idea also can play into the idea that feminism is built around living your life in spite of men would want you to do instead of just doing it because that's what you want to do. A lot of this I see. I saw a facebook post recently and it said like lies feminism tells you, and it's like you can't be a stayathome mom and have a job, like you can't have a job and be a mom, you aren't allowed to shave, blah, Blah Blah, and a lot of that is actually more of the mess and dry and hating men. Feminism is allowing the choice to shave or not shave depending on your own preference. Like I just really like smooth legs. I don't like when my legs are prickly, but I'm not doing that for men. If I don't want to shave for a while, I won't. At this point that...

...this has been a process of building. But if I don't want to shave, I won't, and that's but if I do, then I will just because I like smooth legs and rubbing my smooth legs together and fresh sheets. This can come in with just kind of building. I see a lot of this toxicness in building your personality just doing things that you think men don't want you to do. I think that is very counteractive and kind of just letting men's stifle you who you are in the complete opposite way. So on one side, we have being super submissive to men and just doing what they want, wearing what you were doing, your makeup because you want to impress men and that kind of thing, and then the on the opposite, complete other extreme, you have wearing crazy makeup and doing your crazy hair just because you want to upset men, and I think that there should be more of a middle ground with feminism and assandry where, yeah, I have crazy hair, sometimes I shave, sometimes, sometimes I do make up, depending on just how I'm feeling in a day, and finding that balance between just doing what you want to do because that's who you are and that's what you want to do, and not demonizing the women who do one thing or don't do one thing because it might be deemed more socially acceptable. Like we've got to find that balance between and you can also do things to attract other people. That's a normal human thing, that's a normal animal thing. Sometimes we do things because we want to attract or impress people, and I don't think that's inherently terrible either. If that's your whole if that's why you do everything that you do, I think that's problematic. And you've got a kind of look inward and really look at why you're doing what you're doing and who you're doing it...

...for. If you're doing it for yourself, keep doing it. If you are changing who you are to please someone else, maybe reevaluate, or even if you're doing being who you are to spite someone else and not just because that's who you want to be, I think that's really something that we have to look inside and really kind of evaluate who we are and why. So, with all that being said, I think the whole gendering of traits and placing people of specific genders in certain boxes is really damaging for everybody, not just for men, not just for women. We need to give men more of a platform and more room to experience emotion and talk about emotion, and we need to give women more room to just find who they are for themselves, rather than to fit the mold of what men love or what men hate. We need to just focus on ourselves and be who we are because that's who we want to be, and we need to start enlistingness in the future generations that we all can feel emotions, we all can be strong, we all can be hard working, we can all wear what we want, a boot be who we want and just form who we are and be level humans, because we're all humans, while still leaving room for the men who want to be more traditionally masculine men, and women who want to be more traditionally feminine women, and anyone in between that spectrum. But we can't put down...

...men who want to be the protector and provider and we can't put down women who want to be stay at home moms or be taken care of financially. Well, we lift up those who who are just going against what traditions are. I think there's room for all of us and we need to really allow us all to feel things and be who we are, whether that be a more traditional role or whether that be the opposite of tradition or somewhere in between there. So, with all that taken into account, I would love to hear from you, ladies gents. Days she's, days he's everybody's. I would love to hear your kind of take on this toxic masculinity or massandry, or if it's kind of giving you something new to think about or if it's something you already knew. I would love, Love, love to hear from you and kind of start some conversations. That's kind of the whole goal of most of my podcast episodes. It's to kind of just reframe some ways of thinking and start conversations. So if I've done that or if you have some feedback for me, I would love to hear it from you. I am fairly busy with school and work, so I might not be as open a conversation all the time, but hit me up, let me know. We can talk about it, or we can plan a day to go for coffee or something covid allowing, I don't really know what that is, walk six feet apart in a park and chat. Who knows, but I would love to invite you to start these conversations with me or with each other. Let me know how they go and I would like to thank you all so much for tuning in this week. If you have any ideas or things you would like me to talk about in the future, feel free to send me those...

...two and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I hope you tune in next week as well. Thank you so much for listening. Thanks for always listening and tuning in. Super appreciate you all. Have a great weekend, Goodbye.

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